During a routine female exam, my doctor checked my thyroid and found it to be, as she put it, "full." Bloodwork came back normal, but she still wasn't totally okay with the way the thyroid actually felt. So I went in to get an ultrasound on my thyroid. Turns out I have three solid nodules on the right side of my thyroid. I went in to my ENT yesterday and found that out. He wasn't particularly comforting, and let me know that I would need to have a fine needle biopsy done on all three nodules to rule out cancer.
Chances of them being malignant? 5-10%. It depends on who you ask. My percentage goes up based on my age, the fact that the nodules are solid and not cystic, and the fact that I don't exactly have a good family history with cancer.
My mind has been preoccupied with it for the past 24 hours. It's not that I fear cancer, or even death...it's just the not knowing that's dominating my thoughts. Chances are they will simply be benign, and I'll just have to watch them for the rest of my life.
But all the same, if you could keep me in your prayers, I would be most appreciative. I get the biopsies done on Tuesday and then find out the results however long after that. My nurse was good enough to tell me that if the results were benign, they would tell me so over the phone and then schedule an appointment to see what's next. If they were not...well, they'll just call me and tell me to come in. I think it would have been better if she'd told me that she would just call me when I needed to come in and discuss the results. :)
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Friday, May 22, 2009
Oo-kay?
So Chris and I go to marital counseling. No, we are not in a marital crisis. Yes, we were in marital crisis the first time we went. We went another time in between then and now as well.
Counseling was ALWAYS something that had a negative stigma to me. I figured only really screwed up people went to counseling. When I was a kid, I knew of only a couple of kids who went to counseling, and I always thought badly of them. Judge me if you will.
Of course, after you get married you realize how futile arguments seem to become after multiple failed attempts at reconciliation. Pre-marital counseling didn't feel like real counseling...everybody has to go if they want to be married in that particular church. But after a couple of years, I wanted to go to marital counseling with Chris. A whole bunch of friends in my bible study went with their spouses, and I was sure this would be the end-all be-all to my marital frustrations.
Chris was not so open to the idea. He had had his own experiences with counseling as a child after his parents' divorces and subsequent remarriages to other people. I don't think he looked back on them fondly.
Another three years later, we found ourselves smack dab in the middle of marital crisis. "Divorce" was being thrown all over the place, I was severely depressed. It got to a point where I ended up in personal counseling, which quickly turned into marital counseling.
While the first several sessions did very little to help our marriage, the sessions after the truth came out about why we were actually in marital counseling were life changing. I am still amazed at the progress and healing that came about as a result of marital counseling, and it was definitely a good healthy mixture of the amazingness of our counselor, and both Chris and I's persistent work on the things we so badly needed to work on.
Recently we've been going as more of a preventative type thing. We still have issues (don't all married people though), and we've enjoyed the first few sessions.
However...A funny and sort of "huh?" moment came out of it.
At the end of a particularly soul-bearing session, our counselor stopped talking, and so did we. She looked at both of us and said, "You know, if you guys hadn't had your faith, you would have been divorced a long time ago. I have never met two more polar opposites in marital counseling than you two. Your communications styles, personalities, everything are all completely opposite of each other. Steph, you're "slow and steady wins the race" and Chris, you're "fast and.......jumpy."
I thought the fast and jumpy part was funny. The rest was a little disheartening. My "half-glass empty" brain started going, "Is she saying that we SHOULDN'T be married? That we never should have been married? That marriage for us will always be incredibly difficult?" I drove home with those same thoughts zooming through my head.
Chris had class later that night, and was getting ready to go, when he noticed I was looking pretty down. He came over to me, pulled me up, and gave me a big hug. "Did the stuff our counselor said make you upset?"
"Yeah...," I said, the tears starting to come down again.
"Well I think it's a good thing," (my "glass overflowing" husband said) "and you want to know why?"
"Why?," I said, in my most pathetic voice.
"Because it means that we're not just both being incredibly selfish! The stuff we deal with is just because we're so different! Don't worry, honey, we'll make it." And with that, he gave me a big kiss, another hug, and fed me dinner. :)
And that is where I think that while we are indeed polar opposites, God has been and will able to work through us and our marriage in mighty ways. Because, as our counselor pointed out, were it not for Him, there would be no way we could be here, in our home, with our beautiful kids, and recognizing His mighty power to work miracles...including helping two polar opposites have a happy marriage.
Counseling was ALWAYS something that had a negative stigma to me. I figured only really screwed up people went to counseling. When I was a kid, I knew of only a couple of kids who went to counseling, and I always thought badly of them. Judge me if you will.
Of course, after you get married you realize how futile arguments seem to become after multiple failed attempts at reconciliation. Pre-marital counseling didn't feel like real counseling...everybody has to go if they want to be married in that particular church. But after a couple of years, I wanted to go to marital counseling with Chris. A whole bunch of friends in my bible study went with their spouses, and I was sure this would be the end-all be-all to my marital frustrations.
Chris was not so open to the idea. He had had his own experiences with counseling as a child after his parents' divorces and subsequent remarriages to other people. I don't think he looked back on them fondly.
Another three years later, we found ourselves smack dab in the middle of marital crisis. "Divorce" was being thrown all over the place, I was severely depressed. It got to a point where I ended up in personal counseling, which quickly turned into marital counseling.
While the first several sessions did very little to help our marriage, the sessions after the truth came out about why we were actually in marital counseling were life changing. I am still amazed at the progress and healing that came about as a result of marital counseling, and it was definitely a good healthy mixture of the amazingness of our counselor, and both Chris and I's persistent work on the things we so badly needed to work on.
Recently we've been going as more of a preventative type thing. We still have issues (don't all married people though), and we've enjoyed the first few sessions.
However...A funny and sort of "huh?" moment came out of it.
At the end of a particularly soul-bearing session, our counselor stopped talking, and so did we. She looked at both of us and said, "You know, if you guys hadn't had your faith, you would have been divorced a long time ago. I have never met two more polar opposites in marital counseling than you two. Your communications styles, personalities, everything are all completely opposite of each other. Steph, you're "slow and steady wins the race" and Chris, you're "fast and.......jumpy."
I thought the fast and jumpy part was funny. The rest was a little disheartening. My "half-glass empty" brain started going, "Is she saying that we SHOULDN'T be married? That we never should have been married? That marriage for us will always be incredibly difficult?" I drove home with those same thoughts zooming through my head.
Chris had class later that night, and was getting ready to go, when he noticed I was looking pretty down. He came over to me, pulled me up, and gave me a big hug. "Did the stuff our counselor said make you upset?"
"Yeah...," I said, the tears starting to come down again.
"Well I think it's a good thing," (my "glass overflowing" husband said) "and you want to know why?"
"Why?," I said, in my most pathetic voice.
"Because it means that we're not just both being incredibly selfish! The stuff we deal with is just because we're so different! Don't worry, honey, we'll make it." And with that, he gave me a big kiss, another hug, and fed me dinner. :)
And that is where I think that while we are indeed polar opposites, God has been and will able to work through us and our marriage in mighty ways. Because, as our counselor pointed out, were it not for Him, there would be no way we could be here, in our home, with our beautiful kids, and recognizing His mighty power to work miracles...including helping two polar opposites have a happy marriage.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Yaaaayyyy!
I know it's sideways, but the day has finally come that we thought never would....
He's 20 months old, almost 21...but he did finally do it. Yaay, Jeffy!
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