The problem with random thoughts...

So the blog that I wrote right before this one was written BEFORE I ready Jenny McCarthy's book "Mother Warriors." This one is being written at 1:30 am AFTER I have finished the book.

I think I spoke too soon. And if you read my blog on humility, you can appreciate how much I hate being wrong. But I also really hate being judgmental, and I was, to a great fault, on this one.

Her premise is not that she "cured" her son of autism, but rather that she recovered him from it. The amount of changes to his diet, therapies both conventional and non, were quite extreme, and took time. She also listed the stories of mothers who had gone through or were going through the same things.

And in those stories I saw myself and Andrew, although we have yet to go to the extreme measures that these "Mother Warriors" have gone to with their children. I have not yet even remotely explored the depth of possibilities that people have found to be successful. And I will wholeheartedly admit that my mother-in-law, despite my skepticism, took lactose out of my son's diet while he was visiting her for two weeks (during Jeff's surgery), and two days after he came back, he was able to point to body parts and accurately identify them. And I don't believe that was a coincidence. And while his speech certainly was not always understandable, the amount of speech he tried, and still uses, went from from almost completely non-verbal to constant jabbering.

And the thing that I really misspoke on was her attitude that a certain regimen would work for every child. She never says that. And she very clearly states that she knows that some parents have tried the things she did and found no success in them, and expresses great sadness about that fact.

But she continues, and I agree with her, that just because a certain change in diet, or a certain drug, or certain other extreme therapies I had never heard of doesn't help your particular child does not mean that they won't help another. So while I still am not sold on the vaccine thing (although you'd better believe I'm digging out my son's vaccine card to see what the date of his MMR shot was) I think that in many points she was right on the money.

So, Jenny McCarthy, I apologize, even though I realize that you will probably never read this blog. You were trying to give hope to a growing number of parents who find themselves trying desperately to recover their own children, and I applaud you for that. I all too quickly jumped on the bandwagon of despair and judgment, and am joyful for you in being able to get your son back.

Random thoughts

I think that I have seen that title on every blog I've ever read.

Random Thought #1: I'm really not a big fan of Jenny McCarthy's views of autism. She's all about "greening our vaccines." She claims that the mercury-tainted vaccines, or aluminum, or something in our vaccines are what cause autism.

I don't know how many more studies need to come out saying that there is NO LINK between vaccinations and autism, but I'm really getting tired of hearing about more studies looking for the non-existent link. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, send that money to fund research on other techniques or drugs that will help our kids who already have autism.

It also is very difficult to hear that she has cured her son of autism. I'm very skeptical of this...curing autism is something supported by virtually no one in the medical world. It's a different way of thinking, perceiving, feeling...not a disease to be cured. Changes in diet, medication, and continuous therapies can help the child to adapt more easily and act more "normal", but it never fully "cures" the child. At least not from what I've read. I'm not above believing in miraculous healing...but I also don't believe that there is a prescribed set of medications, diets, and exercises that will always "cure" a child with autism. It's too broad, to distinct in each case, too varied in its' symptoms from child to child.

Random Thought #2: We had an AWESOME experience with Andrew last night. Andrew has the arm of a Major League pitcher. His accuracy and speed of pitch are amazing. He hurls things so fast and so hard that he could easily dent walls, bruise skin, and break glass. Last night as we were riding back home, Andrew finished with his glass of juice. Sometimes he just drops the cup on the ground. Sometimes he asks for more. Last night, he chucked it as hard as he could. As it so happened, my head happened to be in his juice cup's path. I didn't have any idea it was coming either, as Chris and I were in the middle of what was a very deep conversation. So when it hit my head, I let out of scream of both pain and surprise.

Andrew is not particularly sensitive to sound, at least not in comparison to many kids with autism are. However, the human scream is one he cannot hear without tears of his own. He immediately began bawling, and while I wanted to comfort him, I spent the first 30 seconds after the hit rubbing my very sore head.

Then all of a sudden, breaking through the sobs, we heard Andrew shout, "SAAAA-WWWWYYY!" (SOOOOOORRRRY! (sorry)) And then he kept saying it. "Sawwy! Sawwy! Sawwy!" while the tears kept flowing. I finally (after a bit of shock) turned around and took Andrew's hand and held while I told him that it was okay. He finally settled down, and we continued on our way home.

It was an amazing moment because it wasn't prompted, because it was connected to another human being's feelings, and because it was at the appropriate time and setting. Yay, Andrew! He's getting it!

Random Thought #3: I miss the days of illness accompanied by concern, care, and rest. Before kids, both Chris and I were pretty good about trying to take care of the other person. Chris was particularly caring and nurturing.

Now, though, with three kids and a shortage of time and sleep, it's every spouse for themselves. And since Chris is home all day with the kids, he's certainly put in his time with them by the time I get home. So, no rest for the weary. :)

Random Thought #4: I went to NNU today to pick up something for Chris, and while I was there saw the sights and smelled the smells so unique to NNU. Immediately, memories of my college days came back, and I became a little wistful as I remembered those days when studies, coffee, and friends were the primary responsibilities and pleasures to be had.

"Tears, idle tears, I know not what they mean.
Tears from the depth of some divine despair
Rise from the heart and gather in the eyes
in looking on the happy autumn fields
and thinking of the days that are no more."

-Alfred Lord Tennyson

Sick day, sick day

I do actually have a tune in my head while I type my title. It has been YEEEEEAAAARRRRS since I have actually had paid sick days to take. Usually they all go to maternity leave. So yesterday, when my frustration continued to mount as my voice continued to leave me, I decided to plunge ahead and take a sick day. So I put out a sub request, got my lesson plans in order, contacted the necessary people, and TOOK IT!

So now it's 8:23 on a school day and I am not going to school. Instead, I'm drinking my tea, listening to my children interact, my husband organize (a fantastic sound), and my refrigerator run. And while I don't feel well, I definitely feel relaxed.

The battle for sleep had a victory last night. Andrew was going on 4 weeks of sleeping only a few hours a night (with us also only sleeping a few hours). Chris and I were at each other's throats constantly, bringing back vivid memories of our first newborn experience ("I just got up with her! You get up with her!"), and neither of us were really getting any good sleep.

So then last Saturday, Chris went to one of his city league football games and got reacquainted with a guy who does a great deal of work with autism. He suggested melatonin, which is a homeopathic pill that adds a hormone that children with autism are oftentimes greatly lacking in. This hormone happens to be the one that also tells your brain you're tired and you need to go to sleep. At least, this is the theory behind the pill.

So we were all over that idea, and I went out and bought a bottle of the stuff. So far, it has worked WONDERS, and Andrew had his first full night of sleep last night. I don't remember the last time Andrew has slept through the night. As a result, our whole family was able to sleep through the night, although Chris did get up once to check on Andrew when he though he heard him moaning. Cup refill, Andrew takes a drink, Andrew is quiet again, and still asleep.

So we are all in great moods this morning, although it looks like I may have given the illness that plagues me to my kids. I'd love to say that I'm not going to do anything today, but that would be untrue. Chris is going to try and get little errands done, I'm going to try and catch up on the laundry, and anything else I can do around here.

So it's a sick day, but a good day. And we're very grateful for the sleep we were given.

Saturday morning fun

So here I sit, writing a blog, dressed warmly, listening to the sound of typing as well as my boys drinking their milk and playing with toys. Our house is warm compared to the freezing wind outside. We all just dropped Kadee Joy off at ballet. She is just the cutest think ever in her black leotard, pink tights, and hair pulled back into two buns. The house is much quieter without her here, although we'll be going to pick her up again in just a few minutes.

Andrew isn't sleeping well. He has so many sensory issues that I think nighttime is just a little overwhelming. His pajamas always seem to bother him, he's always looking for something to chew on, and he's would just love for his mommy to stay next to him the whole night because he loves to be held close. And he's always singing or quoting something while he's trying to go to sleep...I think his mind has difficulty shutting off just like many grownups do, but there's nothing we've been able to find that helps him shut it down...he just has to keep quoting and singing until he's asleep.

And so with his lack of sleep comes our lack of sleep. Andrew can't be left to wander the house, which he would love to do, particularly as he has recently mastered unlocking the deadbolt. He also can break all our child locks on the doors, and likes nothing better than to raid (well, destroy) the pantry. But mostly he just loves to come into our room and wait for us to take him back to his room...or better yet, be so deeply asleep that he can sneak into our bed and try to go undetected for as long as possible.

I remember the days when he used to be able to sleep all night just by sticking him in his crib with a bottle. He would drink his bottle, fall asleep, and would stay there until we came to get him the next morning. Ahhh, the days.

Chris has football and worship team practice on Saturdays, so it's usually just me and the kids until around dinner time. I'm hoping that we all get a nap today (at the same time...), and that I am able to use the time I have with them for fun, snuggles, and anything else that seems to be restricted to the early days of childhood. I know these days will pass by sooner than I would imagine, and that they are not days I will be able to get back.

Off to get Kadee Joy!

"Out of the mouths of babes..."

So first off Jeffy's standing. He's very funny because he loves to stand up (with the help of furniture) but gets tired very quickly and has no earthly idea of how to sit back down. So we have to rescue him quite frequently.



Secondly, Kadee Joy drew a family picture. One of the people in the picture stood out as having quite a large noggin. I asked her who it was and she answered, "Daddy." Chris came over, saw his image, and asked Kadee Joy why his head was so big. "Because you have a big head, daddy!"



Can I get an amen from those of you who know Chris well?



:)

Midnight Musings

So first of all, let me just say that I reserve the right to pull this blog immediately upon posting it. It's not even midnight...it's 3:14 am as I begin to write this. If your wondering what a full-time teaching mother of three is doing writing a blog at this time in the morning instead of sleeping, don't worry, I'm sure I will be wondering the same thing when the real morning hits. But for now...I write.

I had some friends over last night, and one of the friends asked me, "So....what do you foresee for Andrew when he's, say, twenty?"

I didn't take a lot of time to think. I've thought a lot about it before. "Oh, he'll probably still be living with us."

She seemed a little shocked by this. So I explained. "Of course, the ultimate goal is to have Andrew be as independent as possible. And there are many places out there for people to live semi-independently who have disabilities and disorders of all kinds...and that is what we would hope for him. But Chris and I have always prepared ourselves for the very real possibility that he will live with us for the rest of his/our lives." But I went on to say that we really didn't know what Andrew would be capable of in two years, yet alone twenty.

As I was lying in bed tonight/this morning though...I started to think of the even more true reality that really NONE of us know what life will be like in twenty years. Our economy is crumbling, literally in front of our eyes. Hundreds of newly built subdivisions are as populated as ghost towns. Stores are closing. There are few industries who are not cutting jobs, and even fewer who are actually hiring more.

The way of life that I remember best is one of instant gratification on every front. And I am not immune to that lifestyle. My addiction to Starbucks is my best proof of that. I wonder if in twenty years I will scoff at the thought of paying so much money for what in reality is so little and unnecessary. Boredom and idleness are our nations' current epidemics. For much of America, myself included, the search for and time spent on entertainment far outweighs the amount of time serving those in need.

My sister and I were discussing the state of the economy last night, and particularly the houses that stand empty. She said something that intrigued me. "I wonder if we will look back on the rows of empty, lavish houses, and see them as monuments to our own greed." I think we will. My sister lives in a two bedroom attic apartment with her two sons and husband. Vancouver BC prices on gas, meat, milk, and of course housing are far higher than those even in places like Seattle, so they have lived with far more frugality than my family has. I know that she oftentimes feels like hitting people down here when they sigh at the lack of room they have in their 3 bedroom, two bath houses with a living room, full kitchen, and at least a dining room. She pays the same for rent as I pay for my mortgage, and I have a four bedroom, two bath house. And it's not because they're not careful with their money...The most basic of houses in Vancouver starts at around $500,000. And they're both pastors in a fairly small church...good luck. :)

But I envy her in many ways. She is content with her life, and if major changes are coming, there will be little she has to do to change her lifestyle.

I compare what I will have to do with those in the South before the civil war. They lived a lifestyle that was simply unsustainable. Only theirs was built on slave labor...mine is built on my dependency on being able to get what I want, when I want it, and to go where I want to go, no matter how far, when I want to go. Their still standing plantation mansions are their monument to times long past. I think ours will be our subdivisions, our empty malls, our Starbucks on every corner, our gas stations that no longer have anything to sell.

I realize that this sounds somewhat fatalistic. But I believe that if this change is coming, it is one that was inevitable, and one that will probably help us all to live the way Christ intended us to all along.