I think that everyone has a certain idea of how they think things are going to be once they become a parent. I never had a better idea of how to raise children than when I didn't have any. As a teacher, I would often times find myself come up with quick and easy solutions on how to "fix" each of my difficult students. Ahhhh...the life of the ignorant.
Once I had children, I lost most of my easy fix solutions. Each of my kids were and are so different, and they've had their fair share of public humiliation (at least, for me) in the way of tantrums or screaming fits.
One thing that we often hear as teachers are how parents don't know that certain events were scheduled for certain days. "Mrs. Tiner, my mom doesn't know when the program is." "Did she get the three letters I sent out?" "I don't think my teacher gave me those letters...."
Then on Work Days, when there is no school, we always seem to have kids show up at the front door expecting to go to school, with their parents dropping them off. And the inevitable grumbling shows up in the staff lounge. "We sent out how many reminders, and announced it how many times this week? How could they not know that there is no school today. There's always SOMEBODY."
Well, today, it was my turn to get Andrew up for school. The alarm went off, I turned it off...and that's the last I remember until I woke up and saw that the alarm said 7:14. Andrew's bus comes promptly at 7:10. RATS! He'd missed the bus. So I jumped out of bed and informed Chris of the dilemma. I hopped into the shower while Chris got a sleepy Andrew ready for school. Chris defrosted the car for me while I got ready. Andrew and I jumped into the car and got to his school just a couple of minutes before it was supposed to start.
As I drove into the parking lot, I noticed that there were a TON of cars in the visitor parking. I had to park a little ways away, got Andrew out, put his little backpack on, and held his hand while we walked towards the school.
And that's when I noticed a familiar sight that did not bode well for Andrew. I saw teachers walking into the school with jeans on and Starbucks in hand. 2 minutes before the bell rings is a little late for 10 teachers to be walking into the school. And that's when I stopped one of them.
"Excuse me, is there school today?"
"No...," she said. "Idiot!" she thought.
I looked up at the reader board, and sure enough, November 25-28, no school.
So Andrew's school had ONE day this week. Odd to anyone else? We got back into the car, headed back home, I dropped Andrew off and then drove to my school, since we actually did have school today.
So I certainly had a nice taste of humble pie, and will now stick up for those poor parents who simply forget or honestly don't know that their kids don't have school, or who miss the three notes that let them know when certain events are happening. There is so much in life to keep up with! At least, that's what I'm telling myself today. :)
And on a very happy note, Andrew ended up having a great day at home, and actually ate a hot dog for dinner! Second time in the history of his life that he has eaten meat. I know that hot dogs are kind of questionable in the meat department, but hey, it's a start!
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Saturday Update
Apparently I grossed a few people out with my last post. Please understand...it was much grosser to deal with than it would have been to read about. I promise you. When you have 3 kids age four and under, sometimes the stories get gross.
So yesterday was an interesting day. I woke up being unable to walk without falling over or running into walls. All I kept thinking was, "I shoulda hadda V-8."
Anyway, my dear husband grabbed me around the waist, and walked me back to bed and kept getting the kids ready. Finally I realized that I would need to get up and get ready for work. So Chris monitored the noise while I took a shower, promising to come in if he heard a thud. :) I drove to school (don't worry, I think it's stupid now), and still was having trouble walking a straight line. Finally, after it was pronounced that my eyes looked weird, I was given a sub, and went home (Chris came and picked me up). I was dizzy and unable to walk well for a whole day. Not fun, let me tell you.
My poor dad had days like that all the time during the last five years of his life. I can't even imagine trying to function with that nearly every day for five years. Doctors never were quite able to tell exactly what was wrong. They kept changing the diagnosis up until he died...at least in regards to his vertigo/dizziness.
Today we've been doing our normal Saturday stuff. Kadee Joy went to ballet and didn't get that great a report on behavior...apparently she likes to do her own thing sometimes. I wish this had been surprising to me, but it sounded all too much like Kadee Joy. She's so her own person, which is fantastic in so many ways and just AGGRAVATING to her poor mother who is such a stick to the rules kind of a person. Ahhh, the stretching that parenthood brings.
We're excited for Thanksgiving next week. We're expecting a fun time with my brother Aaron and his wife Dina, Jason and Kaylene Hoyt, and Chris' brother Rich. I'm very excited to get to see my brother and Dina again. Kadee Joy is also especially thrilled. She adores both of them.
It was a somewhat volatile week at work. The pressures of education and the expectations put on educators are very, very high...and thus everyone's stress levels are following suit, and I'm afraid often turns very stressed people on other very stressed people, which doesn't help.
I had a great turnout from parents for my second grade Thanksgiving program, and the kids were great. Next is Christmas with the third graders. This is generally my busy time of year with programs, but so far it is going fairly smoothly.
That's it for now. I'm hoping the dizziness was temporary. Good day so far today, although I'll confess that I've been watching the new Harry Potter trailer over and over again...I can't wait for July!
So yesterday was an interesting day. I woke up being unable to walk without falling over or running into walls. All I kept thinking was, "I shoulda hadda V-8."
Anyway, my dear husband grabbed me around the waist, and walked me back to bed and kept getting the kids ready. Finally I realized that I would need to get up and get ready for work. So Chris monitored the noise while I took a shower, promising to come in if he heard a thud. :) I drove to school (don't worry, I think it's stupid now), and still was having trouble walking a straight line. Finally, after it was pronounced that my eyes looked weird, I was given a sub, and went home (Chris came and picked me up). I was dizzy and unable to walk well for a whole day. Not fun, let me tell you.
My poor dad had days like that all the time during the last five years of his life. I can't even imagine trying to function with that nearly every day for five years. Doctors never were quite able to tell exactly what was wrong. They kept changing the diagnosis up until he died...at least in regards to his vertigo/dizziness.
Today we've been doing our normal Saturday stuff. Kadee Joy went to ballet and didn't get that great a report on behavior...apparently she likes to do her own thing sometimes. I wish this had been surprising to me, but it sounded all too much like Kadee Joy. She's so her own person, which is fantastic in so many ways and just AGGRAVATING to her poor mother who is such a stick to the rules kind of a person. Ahhh, the stretching that parenthood brings.
We're excited for Thanksgiving next week. We're expecting a fun time with my brother Aaron and his wife Dina, Jason and Kaylene Hoyt, and Chris' brother Rich. I'm very excited to get to see my brother and Dina again. Kadee Joy is also especially thrilled. She adores both of them.
It was a somewhat volatile week at work. The pressures of education and the expectations put on educators are very, very high...and thus everyone's stress levels are following suit, and I'm afraid often turns very stressed people on other very stressed people, which doesn't help.
I had a great turnout from parents for my second grade Thanksgiving program, and the kids were great. Next is Christmas with the third graders. This is generally my busy time of year with programs, but so far it is going fairly smoothly.
That's it for now. I'm hoping the dizziness was temporary. Good day so far today, although I'll confess that I've been watching the new Harry Potter trailer over and over again...I can't wait for July!
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Di-sgu-sting
So last night I was laying next to Andrew while he was in the first few hours of sleep. I must have fallen asleep because I usually leave after he starts to fall asleep. I started to hear an odd sound. Andrew didn't change his movement at all, so I figured it must be something outside. Then the noise became more frequent...and then a smell accompanied it..and then I recognized the sound...GROSS.
Andrew had a RANK case of diarrhea. It was EVERYWHERE. I was glad I hadn't left last night. Otherwise, I can only imagine the devastation he would have made to our house as he traveled from his room to our room.
So I had to get him up, run him to the bathroom, peel off the gross clothes, and try to clean him off as best I could. It was like midnight, so I definitely didn't want to wake up the rest of the house. Unfortunately Andrew, who was still in the strange place between awake and asleep, was not happy about the cleansing he was going through and started to SCREAM. He kept trying to go back to his room, wanted his blanket, both of which were impossible because of the amount of grossness he had gotten all over him. Once I'd gotten him cleaned up and in a new diaper, I deposited him in our bed with a groggy Chris, and ran back out to clean up the rest of the room.
Anyway, it ended up that Andrew and I both slept in my room, Chris went to join Kadee Joy to get some more sleep, and Andrew was awake for much of the rest of the night with the cramping that often accompanies the Rhea. Chris got the other kids up and ready at the usual time, and Andrew and I slept in, sort of. He's still got it, although not as bad as it was last night.
It's funny though, because as I was laying there in the aftermath with Andrew snoozing away, I started to think about what I'd read with the whole "detox" thing we're doing with his diet. I remember specifically reading that 21 days into the detox, one little boy had had an exploding case of diarrhea, and had then started to act much more normal, displaying far fewer signs of autism, and being able to communicate in sentences and desiring to actually know the answer of the other person.
And so I started to imagine waking up and having Andrew ask me how I was, what I wanted to do, telling me about what he was thinking, etc...I mean, it's around day 21 of this diet, he just had the exploding diarrhea...
So this morning as Andrew was waking up, I looked over at him in great anticipation. He looked over at me, stretched, and then went "Joooooot?" Nothing different about that. That's how he always asks for Juice. "Gobet?" Know that one...he wants his blanket. "Sorry, but, it's still in the washer. I'll have to put it in the dryer." All he heard was "Sorry..." which to him means no. He did one of his muffled screams of frustration.
So no, no change. No miracle. Still Andrew with one word requests, or phrases that he wants you to repeat back so that he can quote a scene from a movie.
I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up. I was so, so disappointed, and was putting so much hope in what my little guy would be able to do, just based on this diet.
What do I want for him, again? To be capable, contributing, and communicative. He has been making so much progress. And I know that. I'm afraid that the little episode of illness was nothing more than his body reacting to being in a public school for the first time.
Not the precursor to a miracle. Not an introduction into a world of normalcy. Or at least not an introduction into the world of normal communication. I guess I keep hoping for a miracle. As I was talking to Chris about it on his way out the door to church this morning, he said, "Steph, it's not like he's going to 'sober up' one day." I think in some sort of idealistic way I was hoping that he kind of would. I love my child, love who he is...and yet I still wish he could be different from who he is. I still wish that he could tell me things, that I could tell him things, that he would be able to have a conversation with a friend...that he could have a friend. That he could do and have all of those things RIGHT NOW.
No miracle.
At least, not today.
Or at least, not in the way I had hoped for.
It is a process, not a one night switch into to a new person.
Lord, teach me how to pray for my child.
Andrew had a RANK case of diarrhea. It was EVERYWHERE. I was glad I hadn't left last night. Otherwise, I can only imagine the devastation he would have made to our house as he traveled from his room to our room.
So I had to get him up, run him to the bathroom, peel off the gross clothes, and try to clean him off as best I could. It was like midnight, so I definitely didn't want to wake up the rest of the house. Unfortunately Andrew, who was still in the strange place between awake and asleep, was not happy about the cleansing he was going through and started to SCREAM. He kept trying to go back to his room, wanted his blanket, both of which were impossible because of the amount of grossness he had gotten all over him. Once I'd gotten him cleaned up and in a new diaper, I deposited him in our bed with a groggy Chris, and ran back out to clean up the rest of the room.
Anyway, it ended up that Andrew and I both slept in my room, Chris went to join Kadee Joy to get some more sleep, and Andrew was awake for much of the rest of the night with the cramping that often accompanies the Rhea. Chris got the other kids up and ready at the usual time, and Andrew and I slept in, sort of. He's still got it, although not as bad as it was last night.
It's funny though, because as I was laying there in the aftermath with Andrew snoozing away, I started to think about what I'd read with the whole "detox" thing we're doing with his diet. I remember specifically reading that 21 days into the detox, one little boy had had an exploding case of diarrhea, and had then started to act much more normal, displaying far fewer signs of autism, and being able to communicate in sentences and desiring to actually know the answer of the other person.
And so I started to imagine waking up and having Andrew ask me how I was, what I wanted to do, telling me about what he was thinking, etc...I mean, it's around day 21 of this diet, he just had the exploding diarrhea...
So this morning as Andrew was waking up, I looked over at him in great anticipation. He looked over at me, stretched, and then went "Joooooot?" Nothing different about that. That's how he always asks for Juice. "Gobet?" Know that one...he wants his blanket. "Sorry, but, it's still in the washer. I'll have to put it in the dryer." All he heard was "Sorry..." which to him means no. He did one of his muffled screams of frustration.
So no, no change. No miracle. Still Andrew with one word requests, or phrases that he wants you to repeat back so that he can quote a scene from a movie.
I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up. I was so, so disappointed, and was putting so much hope in what my little guy would be able to do, just based on this diet.
What do I want for him, again? To be capable, contributing, and communicative. He has been making so much progress. And I know that. I'm afraid that the little episode of illness was nothing more than his body reacting to being in a public school for the first time.
Not the precursor to a miracle. Not an introduction into a world of normalcy. Or at least not an introduction into the world of normal communication. I guess I keep hoping for a miracle. As I was talking to Chris about it on his way out the door to church this morning, he said, "Steph, it's not like he's going to 'sober up' one day." I think in some sort of idealistic way I was hoping that he kind of would. I love my child, love who he is...and yet I still wish he could be different from who he is. I still wish that he could tell me things, that I could tell him things, that he would be able to have a conversation with a friend...that he could have a friend. That he could do and have all of those things RIGHT NOW.
No miracle.
At least, not today.
Or at least, not in the way I had hoped for.
It is a process, not a one night switch into to a new person.
Lord, teach me how to pray for my child.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Andrew's in school!
So Andrew is officially going to school now. His little bus comes and picks him up bright and early at 7:10 am. These are honestly the best pictures we could get. :) So far he seems to be going okay. His first comments from his teacher were kind of funny. "He likes playtime. He likes playing with the horses. He is showing resistance to sitting and working at the table."
Yep, that's Andrew. The bus picture is a good indication of just how early it really is.
Poor Andrew! So tired!
Too tired to even look at the camera.
Saturday, November 8, 2008
What a week!
This week was quite eventful. Actually that's kind of a lame way of putting it. I really didn't know how I would get through this week. But here I am, on Saturday morning, listening to my kids (well, two of them) interact with their cousins at breakfast time.
The craziness started out when I first made plans to come to Tillamook for a dear friends wedding. She's getting married tomorrow, and Mom was gracious enough to fly us over. Chris decided to stay home with Andrew, since we weren't sure if his job would have him on call or not. So we bought tickets for me and Kadee Joy to fly over, and of course I would just bring Jeffy as a lap child.
We got a call on Sunday night from Chris' dad, and sadly had to inform Chris that his grandpa, a wonderful man in all respects, had passed away. Chris was obviously upset over it, and we kept his whole family in our prayers.
The next day, Chris let me know that he really felt that he wanted to go to Texas for the funeral. While I certainly wanted Chris to go, I had parent teacher conferences this week, and the flight he would take wouldn't get him back until two days after I left for Tillamook. Problem? Child care during the day, and a place for Andrew to go for two nights. Me taking Andrew just wasn't an option...Andrew freaks out on plane rides, and I knew that if he decided to run in the airport, I would have to ditch the other two to chase after him. This wouldn't be safe for anyone.
Well, God was very gracious in allowing two places for Andrew to go while we were gone. Chris flew out for Texas on Tuesday. That was Election Day, and I still have my Washington license. So, wanting to make sure I would be able to vote in Idaho, I went to the DMV to change my driver's license to an Idaho one. I thought it would just be a matter of giving them my old license, showing proof of address, and paying a fee, since it had only been two years since I'd had an Idaho license. But oh, no...I had to take the written test. So, I arrogantly set off to take the test, thinking I'd pass it with flying colors.
The Idaho test is taken on a touch screen with ANCIENT computers. You were supposed to touch the answer, and then click on a confirmation button. Problem? The touch screens were TERRIBLE. Each answer had to be clicked, I kid you not, at least 20 times before it would go on to the confirmation part. I took me an hour to take a 40 minute test. And not because I needed that long to answer the questions. It was just that slow.
So, as my anxiety built (I had to get back to teach), my confidence started to shake. I ended up FAILING the freaking test by ONE answer. I felt so dumb...So I have to go back next week and take it. I missed all the questions that were like, "If there is a car coming towards you with its' headlights on, do you dim your headlights at 100 feet, 200 feet, 300 feet, or 500 feet?"...all feet questions. Like I can actually tell the exact number of feet I am away from a vehicle. DUMB. So my head was hung low as I left with my driver's manual, told to return after three days.
Luckily it didn't impair my ability to vote. Chris voted before he left, and I voted before I went and picked up the kids from the babysitters house. I felt good about my votes, and watched the elections later that night with my kids.
On Tuesday night, I received a visit from a man dressed as a police officer (I'm still a little suspicious as to whether or not he was actually a police officer) who informed me that there had been a string of burglaries in the neighborhood, and that the suspect had been seen hanging out right in front of our house. I was to call if I saw anything or anyone suspicious. Awesome. Naturally I slept well that night. :)
So, the kids went to a babysitter during the next day, we snuggled at night, and then on Thursday Jeffy, Kadee Joy, and I flew out, while Andrew stayed behind. And it was Andrew's third birthday. :( He SCREAMED, when I took the other two to the car. I came back in and he came up, bawling, and wrapped his arms around me, saying "Bye-bye? Bye-bye?", indicating that he wanted to go with us. It was AWFUL.
So we left for the airport, and right before we were supposed to fly out, I got a call from Chris. He had lost his wallet and its' entire contents in Texas. Credit cards, driver's license, SOCIAL SECURITY CARD (which of course you are NEVER supposed to carry around), everything. He'd lost it and he couldn't find it. Apparently he had put it on top of the rental car, got distracted, and then drove off.
So, I was supposed to go and get the rental car in Portland without a valid credit card (when Chris canceled his, it automatically canceled mine). I was a little unhappy. However, I kept together my desire to freak out, and told him that I would pray for him and that somehow he would be able to get back home (ever tried to fly without ID?...we know of one person who was able to do it...).
So, I ended up flying over without problems (Jeffy was VEEERY good on the plane and Kadee Joy was pretty good...she kind of freaked out the girl sitting next to us by asking her to say and spell her first, middle, and last names), and then got our luggage and went to the car rental place. My debit card still worked, so they took that gladly...and tacked on an extra 20%. Great.
So we drove it horrifically stormy weather across the Wilson River highway, which is a ridiculously curvy road, and of course Kadee Joy threw up. Finally we arrived at Mom's house, and everyone was very happy.
Then, yesterday afternoon, I got another call from Chris. In a last ditch effort he had called the Corpus Christi police again and asked if they'd found a wallet. They asked his name, which he gave, and said "Oh yeah, it's here. Would you like to come get it? We tried to contact Northwest Nazarene University but they had no current record of you." Real quick thought...Chris is a current STUDENT at NNU...why the heck wouldn't they have any info on him?
ANYWAY, so he went and claimed it, and everything except for 10 dollars was in there. So Chris can come home, and still has his Social Security card. :)
We've been having a fantastic time at Mom's house, and Andrew slept through the night while visiting the first house he stayed at. Chris is on his way back to Nampa today, and hopefully will have a great reunion with Andrew. I got to have a very fun night last night at the "groom's dinner" of my friend, and I get to go to the wedding today. I'm getting to see my family, enjoying Starbucks and non-casein, gluten free food.
Life is good...and hopefully will stay uneventful for the next few days. :)
The craziness started out when I first made plans to come to Tillamook for a dear friends wedding. She's getting married tomorrow, and Mom was gracious enough to fly us over. Chris decided to stay home with Andrew, since we weren't sure if his job would have him on call or not. So we bought tickets for me and Kadee Joy to fly over, and of course I would just bring Jeffy as a lap child.
We got a call on Sunday night from Chris' dad, and sadly had to inform Chris that his grandpa, a wonderful man in all respects, had passed away. Chris was obviously upset over it, and we kept his whole family in our prayers.
The next day, Chris let me know that he really felt that he wanted to go to Texas for the funeral. While I certainly wanted Chris to go, I had parent teacher conferences this week, and the flight he would take wouldn't get him back until two days after I left for Tillamook. Problem? Child care during the day, and a place for Andrew to go for two nights. Me taking Andrew just wasn't an option...Andrew freaks out on plane rides, and I knew that if he decided to run in the airport, I would have to ditch the other two to chase after him. This wouldn't be safe for anyone.
Well, God was very gracious in allowing two places for Andrew to go while we were gone. Chris flew out for Texas on Tuesday. That was Election Day, and I still have my Washington license. So, wanting to make sure I would be able to vote in Idaho, I went to the DMV to change my driver's license to an Idaho one. I thought it would just be a matter of giving them my old license, showing proof of address, and paying a fee, since it had only been two years since I'd had an Idaho license. But oh, no...I had to take the written test. So, I arrogantly set off to take the test, thinking I'd pass it with flying colors.
The Idaho test is taken on a touch screen with ANCIENT computers. You were supposed to touch the answer, and then click on a confirmation button. Problem? The touch screens were TERRIBLE. Each answer had to be clicked, I kid you not, at least 20 times before it would go on to the confirmation part. I took me an hour to take a 40 minute test. And not because I needed that long to answer the questions. It was just that slow.
So, as my anxiety built (I had to get back to teach), my confidence started to shake. I ended up FAILING the freaking test by ONE answer. I felt so dumb...So I have to go back next week and take it. I missed all the questions that were like, "If there is a car coming towards you with its' headlights on, do you dim your headlights at 100 feet, 200 feet, 300 feet, or 500 feet?"...all feet questions. Like I can actually tell the exact number of feet I am away from a vehicle. DUMB. So my head was hung low as I left with my driver's manual, told to return after three days.
Luckily it didn't impair my ability to vote. Chris voted before he left, and I voted before I went and picked up the kids from the babysitters house. I felt good about my votes, and watched the elections later that night with my kids.
On Tuesday night, I received a visit from a man dressed as a police officer (I'm still a little suspicious as to whether or not he was actually a police officer) who informed me that there had been a string of burglaries in the neighborhood, and that the suspect had been seen hanging out right in front of our house. I was to call if I saw anything or anyone suspicious. Awesome. Naturally I slept well that night. :)
So, the kids went to a babysitter during the next day, we snuggled at night, and then on Thursday Jeffy, Kadee Joy, and I flew out, while Andrew stayed behind. And it was Andrew's third birthday. :( He SCREAMED, when I took the other two to the car. I came back in and he came up, bawling, and wrapped his arms around me, saying "Bye-bye? Bye-bye?", indicating that he wanted to go with us. It was AWFUL.
So we left for the airport, and right before we were supposed to fly out, I got a call from Chris. He had lost his wallet and its' entire contents in Texas. Credit cards, driver's license, SOCIAL SECURITY CARD (which of course you are NEVER supposed to carry around), everything. He'd lost it and he couldn't find it. Apparently he had put it on top of the rental car, got distracted, and then drove off.
So, I was supposed to go and get the rental car in Portland without a valid credit card (when Chris canceled his, it automatically canceled mine). I was a little unhappy. However, I kept together my desire to freak out, and told him that I would pray for him and that somehow he would be able to get back home (ever tried to fly without ID?...we know of one person who was able to do it...).
So, I ended up flying over without problems (Jeffy was VEEERY good on the plane and Kadee Joy was pretty good...she kind of freaked out the girl sitting next to us by asking her to say and spell her first, middle, and last names), and then got our luggage and went to the car rental place. My debit card still worked, so they took that gladly...and tacked on an extra 20%. Great.
So we drove it horrifically stormy weather across the Wilson River highway, which is a ridiculously curvy road, and of course Kadee Joy threw up. Finally we arrived at Mom's house, and everyone was very happy.
Then, yesterday afternoon, I got another call from Chris. In a last ditch effort he had called the Corpus Christi police again and asked if they'd found a wallet. They asked his name, which he gave, and said "Oh yeah, it's here. Would you like to come get it? We tried to contact Northwest Nazarene University but they had no current record of you." Real quick thought...Chris is a current STUDENT at NNU...why the heck wouldn't they have any info on him?
ANYWAY, so he went and claimed it, and everything except for 10 dollars was in there. So Chris can come home, and still has his Social Security card. :)
We've been having a fantastic time at Mom's house, and Andrew slept through the night while visiting the first house he stayed at. Chris is on his way back to Nampa today, and hopefully will have a great reunion with Andrew. I got to have a very fun night last night at the "groom's dinner" of my friend, and I get to go to the wedding today. I'm getting to see my family, enjoying Starbucks and non-casein, gluten free food.
Life is good...and hopefully will stay uneventful for the next few days. :)
Saturday, November 1, 2008
I don't KNOW why I'm crying!
So today was my day to cry. Since going on an anti-depressant over a year and a half ago, I have very few days where I cry. It's not that I don't feel sad anymore...I'm just not crying every few hours, every day like I used to. But today, the floodgates were open and I let loose...right before my appointment to get my hair done.
For the most part during the week I feel great in the morning, energized at work, happy with the way things are working out...And then I get home. And once I get home, I go into shutdown mode. I literally lose all motivation to get anything accomplished. I feel physically exhausted, emotionally drained, and want so badly just to sleep. But of course, Chris has been at home all day with the kids, and he too would like a break.
I was trying to figure it out today. Trying to figure out why I feel so exhausted, why I felt so emotional today, why I started crying when I did.
I think that I'm just starting to hit a bit of a wall. These past five years have not been anywhere near stable. In fact, in God's presence and His Word are the only places where I have found any sort of stability. And I know that that's a life lesson many people have yet to learn, and something that Christians are supposed to try to learn. But today I just really felt like I wanted life to calm down...even if it was just for a little bit.
Andrew started his glutein free, casein free diet, which basically means he can't have anything he used to eat. And while we are seeing improvements, trying to get him to eat, which has always been a struggle, is now quite exhausting. But we are determined to stick with it, hoping that it will bring him more clarity of mind and help him to adapt to each environment more easily.
On Thursday we had his second meeting at his new school. This was the IEP meeting where we set goals for Andrew, and where we get all the paperwork in to get him enrolled. The meeting went much more smoothly than the first, even with Andrew running around constantly, trying to color on any surface he could find. We finally have a service coordinator, and she is WONDERFUL, and was also at the meeting. So Andrew will start his special preschool on November 10th.
I had my first program of the year (the first of three in the next 6 weeks), and it went well. We had our school carnival, which also went well. It was a little hard in some ways, though, because it kind of reinforced the isolation I feel sometimes with my position. Grade level teams all hang out together, work together, made baskets to sell together...and then there's me. Alone in the music room. Normally it doesn't bother me, and I try to include myself in various roles, but sometimes it just feels downright lonely to have to try and include myself, rather than naturally be included. I don't get automatic lunch plans on collaboration/work days, or continuous daily collaboration with colleagues...I have to find and make time for those things completely on my own. I realize this sounds like a pity party, but please know that I really do love my job. The natural isolation is just harder some times than others.
And then we went to the Halloween party where Andrew was in his usual "lots of people" form. He started throwing rocks into the small duck pool (I think it was supposed to be a game?), which of course was not okay. I foresaw another summer playdate tragedy coming, and tried to take him somewhere else. We stumbled across a small stream with lots of rocks next to it...perfect! At least, perfect for Andrew to throw rocks. Not so perfect for socializing with other grownups from my church.
And Andrew has not been sleeping...again. The melatonin was working great, but for the past few nights he's been up again, wide awake, and taking off all his clothes.
So, I'm tired. Very, very tired. And Chris is too. Andrew's diet and behavior are very isolatory as well (as far as going out in public), so we're kind of stuck in our house a lot. And that's really okay, most of the time. But while I would never trade having Andrew, there are days like this when I reminisce about the days when I didn't have to survey the environment for potential triggers, obstacles, or safety issues, and where we could go wherever we wanted to, for as long as we wanted to.
But this is life. And God is so faithful in giving us the strength that we need for each day.
Lord, please carry me tonight.
For the most part during the week I feel great in the morning, energized at work, happy with the way things are working out...And then I get home. And once I get home, I go into shutdown mode. I literally lose all motivation to get anything accomplished. I feel physically exhausted, emotionally drained, and want so badly just to sleep. But of course, Chris has been at home all day with the kids, and he too would like a break.
I was trying to figure it out today. Trying to figure out why I feel so exhausted, why I felt so emotional today, why I started crying when I did.
I think that I'm just starting to hit a bit of a wall. These past five years have not been anywhere near stable. In fact, in God's presence and His Word are the only places where I have found any sort of stability. And I know that that's a life lesson many people have yet to learn, and something that Christians are supposed to try to learn. But today I just really felt like I wanted life to calm down...even if it was just for a little bit.
Andrew started his glutein free, casein free diet, which basically means he can't have anything he used to eat. And while we are seeing improvements, trying to get him to eat, which has always been a struggle, is now quite exhausting. But we are determined to stick with it, hoping that it will bring him more clarity of mind and help him to adapt to each environment more easily.
On Thursday we had his second meeting at his new school. This was the IEP meeting where we set goals for Andrew, and where we get all the paperwork in to get him enrolled. The meeting went much more smoothly than the first, even with Andrew running around constantly, trying to color on any surface he could find. We finally have a service coordinator, and she is WONDERFUL, and was also at the meeting. So Andrew will start his special preschool on November 10th.
I had my first program of the year (the first of three in the next 6 weeks), and it went well. We had our school carnival, which also went well. It was a little hard in some ways, though, because it kind of reinforced the isolation I feel sometimes with my position. Grade level teams all hang out together, work together, made baskets to sell together...and then there's me. Alone in the music room. Normally it doesn't bother me, and I try to include myself in various roles, but sometimes it just feels downright lonely to have to try and include myself, rather than naturally be included. I don't get automatic lunch plans on collaboration/work days, or continuous daily collaboration with colleagues...I have to find and make time for those things completely on my own. I realize this sounds like a pity party, but please know that I really do love my job. The natural isolation is just harder some times than others.
And then we went to the Halloween party where Andrew was in his usual "lots of people" form. He started throwing rocks into the small duck pool (I think it was supposed to be a game?), which of course was not okay. I foresaw another summer playdate tragedy coming, and tried to take him somewhere else. We stumbled across a small stream with lots of rocks next to it...perfect! At least, perfect for Andrew to throw rocks. Not so perfect for socializing with other grownups from my church.
And Andrew has not been sleeping...again. The melatonin was working great, but for the past few nights he's been up again, wide awake, and taking off all his clothes.
So, I'm tired. Very, very tired. And Chris is too. Andrew's diet and behavior are very isolatory as well (as far as going out in public), so we're kind of stuck in our house a lot. And that's really okay, most of the time. But while I would never trade having Andrew, there are days like this when I reminisce about the days when I didn't have to survey the environment for potential triggers, obstacles, or safety issues, and where we could go wherever we wanted to, for as long as we wanted to.
But this is life. And God is so faithful in giving us the strength that we need for each day.
Lord, please carry me tonight.
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