When Andrew was first diagnosed, I was directed (by the developmental pediatrician who diagnosed him) to many different resources on autism. One of the sites was the IAN Project. During my entrance into the world of mothers of children with autism, I initially took on a frenzied search into the world of autism and studied anything about the disorder I could find. My search has not stopped...it has just slowed down a little bit.
I check up on it every once in a while, particularly when I receive notice of an article that features a struggle my family and I are having with autism. Recently, an article came to me regarding "Elopement and Wandering." "Wandering" I understood...the term "elopement" was a little strange. So I went to the actual site and checked it out.
Essentially, elopement is when a child (any child I guess, but seems particularly prevalent in children with autism) suddenly runs from an area of safety into an area of danger, and excludes those who did it at an age appropriate time (I remember Kadee Joy during the terrible twos).
Andrew struggled with elopement pretty much up until the age of four. If we were in a mall, a grocery store, our church, our house, he would suddenly run from us, usually when there was a long hallway, and would not come back on his own, regardless of how many times (or how loud) we screamed his name. The difficulty came when Chris and I were in a position where we could not simply run after him, which usually happened when I had Jeffrey in a stroller and Kadee Joy was still quite young herself. If I was lucky, I would be with someone who could stay with my other two while I ran after Andrew. If I wasn't that lucky, I would simply drag my other two with me and run after him at a slower pace. There were many times when Andrew was caught by some other well meaning adult who would scold him soundly for not listening to his mother. Other times, there was no one else to help, and all the other people there would simply watch and shake their heads at the mother who couldn't keep her brat under control.
The first dozen times it happened, I would be humiliated and had to leave wherever I was. I just couldn't handle the disapproval of those around me.
After the first dozen times, I realized that this was simply how Andrew was, and I would just have to keep working on helping him to understand that he just COULDN'T run whenever he wanted to. I don't know whether my talks did it, or if it was simple maturation, but around four, we went to the grocery store and he started to run again...I called his name and he stopped, turned around, smiled, and ran right back to me.
It has been that way in stores, malls, parks, etc...the only place it is a problem every once in a while is in parking lots, which of course is probably the most dangerous place it could happen. Today we went to Fred Meyer to do some banking and pick up a few things, including two gallons of milk. He was fine in the store, and Kadee Joy was there to keep him entertained.
I didn't have much at the end of the trip, just a bag of groceries which Kadee Joy carried, and two gallons of milk which I carried, one in each hand. Andrew had not "eloped" in quite a while, and the parking lot was not too busy, and since I didn't have the hands available we walked out together, hands to ourselves. Crossing the front of the parking lot was fine. But as soon as we got to where our van was, Andrew bolted. Kadee Joy and I both immediately called out his name, but he didn't even appear to hear us. We called again, and still no response.
By this time, families in the parking lot had stopped to stare. As I looked farther ahead, a car, about 20 feet in front of Andrew, had started to pull out. This time both Kadee Joy and I screamed his name and I dropped the milk on the asphalt and started to run. Andrew was still running, and the car was still backing out. I reached him right before it would have been too late and pulled him back. He had a smile on his face. The thought of getting hit had not (and still has not) crossed his mind. He was just going on a race towards...something. I turned him towards me and said "You DON'T run from Mommy...you could get HIT by a CAR!" He thought I was just yelling at him for no reason and pulled one of his standby movie quotes out to tell me essentially to leave him alone. I kept his hand in mine and walked him firmly to the van where I buckled him in. Then I went and got the abandoned milk cartons (which had not exploded, luckily), and loaded Kadee Joy and the groceries into the van.
Kadee Joy started crying in the car. She kept saying "Andrew, I know you didn't like that Mommy got you, but you could have DIED! You scared me to death!" Andrew, still feeling picked on, continued his movie quote rant and then requested fries (McDonald's has far too many locations).
After my heart had gone back to a regular rate, I reflected on what I could have done differently. I could have kept Andrew in the car grocery cart he loves until we got to the van, put him in, and then loaded the groceries. I could have tried to carry both gallons of milk in just one arm, and used the other one to hold onto Andrew. I could have...I could have...I could have...
The difficulty is that most of the time, he can handle staying with the family. There is no rhyme or reason to why he stays with the family sometimes and why he bolts others. I want to teach him to respond to someone calling his name, which he does so well now almost every other scenario. But it's like whatever it is he is running TO has far more pull than those he is running FROM.
And he's not alone. The study currently being done on IAN shows that it is a HUGE problem for families of children and even adults with autism. It's not an act of defiance or disobedience...it's simply part of the disorder. I don't have the time to explain that to every family who stops and stares, or to every adult who chews my boy out if they happen to catch him.
So I guess I would just like to say to everyone: If you see a child suddenly run from a safe environment to a dangerous environment, no matter how old, no matter if their parents are there or not...PLEASE take the time to stop the child, and PLEASE resist the temptation to scold, offer advice, or judge. It is very possible that you might encounter someone who dislikes your "interfering" by stopping their child, but I guarantee that most people would be grateful that you helped to keep their child from harm. I know I would.
