I write when I am inspired and I write when I get a break. Apparently those two things did not happen simultaneously until today.
These past four months have been hard. Moving is always hard, a new job is always hard, transitioning into new schools is hard, starting up in a new church is always hard...But these past four months have been really, really hard.
First of all, let me say that we have been welcomed pretty much wherever we've gone. Overwhelmingly welcomed at church, welcomed by our new teams, our children welcomed by their new teachers (both at church and at school), we have nothing to complain about as far as being welcomed. So perhaps I should say that it could have been even harder than it was...but it was still hard.
My new school is hard. It just is. It's a completely different population than my last school is and we're in school improvement.School improvement is when the state tells you that students in certain sub groups (race, economic level, etc) didn't make enough gains or meet enough goals in the standardized tests, and that you therefore have to not only raise those scores but spend hours in writing goals, training, doing research, documenting, documenting, documenting (seriously, it's ridiculous), and of course, teaching.
If you've never taught in a school that is in school improvement, than you have never experienced watching the state make the already impossibly challenging job of teaching even more impossibly challenging. It's kind of nightmarish. It doesn't affect me directly, but it certainly affects me. I'm not in the "war room" going over kids individual strengths and weaknesses (as far as their test scores go), being constantly challenged on how or why I approached that particular lesson with that particular kid in that particular way, and missing hours of actually being in the classroom going over ways to teach in ways that will bring up our test scores. But I see the teachers, administrators, and specialists who are doing that, and they're completely maxed out...all the time...And have very little margin for additional stress. So I am affected when I bring in an additional request that sends them (unintentionally) over their already taxed limit. School improvement pretty much bites the big one, and I think it is a horrible, horrible way to try and improve test scores (which I also think are pretty horrible in and of themselves), and leads to even more teacher burn out in our current climate in education in which we are ALWAYS short on teachers. And goodness knows that this burnout is evident to our students.
But the silver lining in this madness is that I love, love, love, LOVE the students I am teaching. I always do, but these students are very, very different from many of the other populations I've taught. The vast majority of these kids are at risk for a variety of reasons, and I have to have my game face on pretty much as soon as I get out of my car. But they are so FUN. I don't have to convince these kids to get into the activities, games, songs, etc. They are just ready, willing, and want to do everything well. I'll admit that sometimes their behavior makes me crazy, and I have encountered difficulties in management that I haven't seen in a very long time (if ever), which has caused me to make a very close look at how I craft each lesson with each class. But with these kids, I know that I'm making a difference in their lives...and they are making a huge difference in mine. I didn't know how to whip or nae nae when I showed up in Humble, but you'd better believe I know how to now. :) God has been gracious in showing me how beautiful, precious, and unique ALL of His children are, and in doing so has shown me how worthwhile what I do is.
I didn't touch on the other stuff that is hard, probably because I realized that much of it is hard from a perspective other than my own, and also because I know that while it has been hard, it has also been getting better as time goes on. Pray for me, for my family, and especially for Chris as he is juggling two jobs that are (in and of themselves) hard.
