After that, our house flooded during a flash flood. We lost a car the week before to another flash flood. It was very hard. We were blessed with so much help from our community
Our house was rebuilt during the summer. Despite this, it was a good summer. Lots of visits with family, I felt my health getting better, and was in a very good place. I had one episode similar to the one in April, but it didn't last as long, and we thought we knew what was causing it. Our house was finished in August, just in time for Jeffrey to hold a birthday party here.
Less than a month later, our house flooded again during Tropical Storm Imelda. And it was worse. Much worse. We lost all of our vehicles and watched our beautifully remodeled downstairs get washed away in the silt filled flood waters that came rushing down our street from the same development that had caused the flooding in May.
After that, it was more difficult to feel optimistic. Our church experienced a pastoral change, and though my husband felt called to be a lead pastor, our board decided not to consider him, which is perfectly within their right to do. So our house, his job, and our future was once again filled with uncertainty and chaos.
It's three months later, our house is once again almost completely finished. We've moved back into the downstairs, have our decorations up, and lights on our house. But no pictures, paintings, knick knacks are on our walls. What's the point? We put stuff on the walls in September a week before it flooded and had to take them down again.
I'm on medical leave. After we flooded again, I started having episodes more frequently, and had two in front of students. My school district placed me on medical leave until a neurologist could explain the episodes and provide accommodations that I would need in order to be able to keep teaching. I missed the entire holiday season of programs, games and fun that this time of year brings, and hurt from it.
We have a diagnosis now. Migraine with Brain Stem Aura (on top of my Chiari Malformation diagnosis that will always have medical implications). I have a hole in my brain stem. It appeared in MRI's after surgery, and had grown when they looked at it again during my first episode. Trauma to my brain stem appears to be what's causing them. Migraine with Brain Stem Aura mimics a stroke (and actually increases my chance for stroke). I lose the ability to speak and move, and get a horrible pain on the left side of my brain. It can last anywhere from 30 minutes to hours. I have had multiple episodes per day, and now, after receiving the diagnosis and getting medication to help prevent them, am down to one to two a week.
My main trigger for Migraine with Brain Stem Aura is stress and anxiety.
What does one do when stress is ever present? My house WILL flood again unless the developer (Perry Homes) fixes the 300 acres of clear cut and puts in appropriate drainage. My husband's calling to be a lead pastor is still very firm, but will not happen in our current church, which means eventually moving. Again. And who will buy a house that we know will flood? My diagnosis is chronic. It will always be there. And like most chronic illnesses, treatment varies from person to person. Will I be able to work again? I love what I do. How will this work?
Before finding out that he would not be considered as the lead pastor, before my diagnosis, before being placed on medical leave, my husband had been working on a series that he was going to preach on. And oddly enough, it was from the book of Habakkuk. The first sermon was based on chapter one:
How long, Lord, must I call for help,
but you do not listen?
Or cry out to you, “Violence!”
but you do not save?
3 Why do you make me look at injustice?
Why do you tolerate wrongdoing?
Destruction and violence are before me;
there is strife, and conflict abounds.
4 Therefore the law is paralyzed,
and justice never prevails.
The wicked hem in the righteous,
so that justice is perverted.
but you do not listen?
Or cry out to you, “Violence!”
but you do not save?
3 Why do you make me look at injustice?
Why do you tolerate wrongdoing?
Destruction and violence are before me;
there is strife, and conflict abounds.
4 Therefore the law is paralyzed,
and justice never prevails.
The wicked hem in the righteous,
so that justice is perverted.
I will stand at my watch
and station myself on the ramparts;
I will look to see what he will say to me,
and what answer I am to give to this complaint.[a]
And the week after, we were comforted with this (although it was our Spanish speaking pastor who preached on this) from chapter three:
Lord, I have heard of your fame;
I stand in awe of your deeds, Lord.
Repeat them in our day,
in our time make them known;
in wrath remember mercy.
We are given no guarantees in this life. Guarantees of stability, of health, of wealth, of harmony are never promised.
God is our guarantee. He will never leave us, or forsake us. He is our mouthpiece when we are struck dumb. He is our strength when we are weak. He carries us when we cannot walk. He is our bulwark when everything else is ripped away. He is who our family lives for, lives by, and is called by.
This season has been hard. So, incredibly, hard. But God has been faithful. People, good, decent people, have been our help in time of need, encouragement in times of discouragement. My family, church family, school family, community, and especially my husband, have been my mouthpiece when I have been struck dumb, carried me when I could not walk, and been my bulwark in the midst of others forsaking him and us. They have been the hands and feet of Christ
My pain is still real, my anxiety always ready to burst out, my body is out of my control, and my family is still sitting in impending chaos and change. Please pray for us in this season, as so many of you have. Please pray for wisdom, guidance, direction, and above all, peace.
And we will pray that for you as well.
Blessings on the New Year, and wishing you a very Merry Christmas.
