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Sunday, July 18, 2010
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Thoughts on Love INC
For those of you who don't know, Love INC is a non-profit organization that works with many churches in the Treasure Valley (any many other places in the nation) to provide a variety of services for people/families in need. And when I say in need, I don't just mean financial. For more info on them (because I don't know everything they do) go to their website.
I talk to my twin sister quite often, and it seems that Love INC comes up at least two or three times during that conversation. Recently, she mentioned that I should blog about my experience with them. And so, here it is. :)
I first heard about Love INC at College Church's Living Christmas Tree. I was in the choir, and the proceeds of all the concerts were going to their organization. They had several families give their testimonies about what the organization had done for them. One family had been up to their eyeballs in credit card debt, didn't have a stable home, and were on the verge of divorce. The program had given the resources and tools to get back on their feet, pay off their debt, purchase a home, and save their marriage. I remember getting a little emotional as I heard the testimonies, but also saying to myself, "How in the world does anyone get themselves into that much debt. I'm so glad I'm so smart financially."
And of course, God heard my thoughts. :)
Three years later, Chris and I were in marital crisis, and I was severely depressed. The finances took a backseat. I had always been in charge of paying the bills and knowing how much money we had at any given time. We were without any credit card debt. In fact, the only debt we had was our mortgage and student loans, which I had always understood to be "good debt."
Fast-forward three months, and we had been able to sell our house, but at a loss of over five thousand dollars. My mom lent us the money so that we could pay the loss. Chris' dad lent us money to move to Nampa. And so we arrived at my sister-in-law's house in Nampa to live there while we were looking for another house. They were so graciously generous with us, and yet we continued to spend as though we had the same income we'd had in Washington...except that neither of us were working at the time.
Credit card debt is dangerous in many ways, but what did us in was the fact that once it got to the point where we knew we couldn't pay it off, we just sort of stopped trying to keep it under control. Thoughts like, "Well, we're already so deeply in, a $4.19 drink from Starbucks won't make that much of a difference." And these thoughts, of course, are lethal to any attempt to get debt under control and paid off.
Fast forward to 7 months ago. Our debt was ridiculous. Over $14,000 in credit card debt. I still owed my mom the money for our house. We still owed Chris' dad for the moving expenses. We had around $2000 in medical bills. And Chris had gone back to school for his teaching certification, nearly tripling his student loan debt. I was up nights just thinking about it, not having any idea how in the world we would be able to pay it off. And Chris was about to start student teaching, so we would have an additional $1000 per month in childcare expense.
And that's where Love INC came back into my life. Friends of ours from church had mentioned the New Hope Relational program that Love INC offered, which had enabled them to pay off all of their debt, and gave them the tools to reach financial stability. And it was all biblically based in it's philosophy. Chris and I had tried to get into the program a year ago, but couldn't because his teaching classes were on the same night as the program itself, and they wouldn't let us do it with just me attending the classes for the program.
So Chris made a few calls during the first week of January, and after going through a brief interview, we were invited to come to the first orientation meeting. Our first meeting was so hardcore. We were told that the program works, but only for those who make it work. We had to commit to coming to the program every single Thursday night for a year, which included meeting with a budget counselor and taking various classes. We were told that we would have to give all of our credit cards, debit card, and checks to Love INC until we were finished with the program. And before being placed with a budget counselor, we had a variety of steps that we had to complete. If we didn't complete them within two months, we would be kicked out of the program. With that being said, the program was completely free. So they were entitled to a few rules.
I left that night feeling a little frightened. But I was even more frightened of the consequences of us not doing anything about our financial situation for even one more day.
So we continued going to the preliminary classes. We were taught things like how to balance a checkbook (which I was very arrogant about knowing how to do, even though I hadn't done it in years), the difference between various kinds of debt, etc. Our assignments for the first few weeks included writing down every single purchase we made, what we made it with, and what category of purchase it fit into (entertainment, home, groceries, transportation, etc.). We also started having access to Love INC's food pantry, which provides tons of dry and canned goods to the participants of the New Hope program. They use this to help cut normal grocery expenses while we try to pay down debt. It feels a little awkward at first...but we get over that as we see just how little we can actually live on.
The second set of classes included learning the different forms we would be using with our budget counselor, including a checkbook balance sheet, a monthly payment calendar, a budget worksheet, a debt worksheet (that one was hard), and also getting a credit report. The last one was very scary, but ended up actually making us feel better...our credit score was not anywhere close to as bad as we thought it might be. It did show us all of our creditors and the amount of debt we had (which I actually hadn't been totally aware of ...on purpose, of course). For attending the classes and completing the homework assignments, we began receiving vouchers as rewards. These vouchers included gas voucher, diaper vouchers, oil change voucher, haircut vouchers...more stuff that we could use so that the money we would normally spend on them could be used to pay down debt.
Once we had all of those things together and had turned in our credit cards, debit cards, and checkbooks (again, SCARY!), we graduated into the part of the program where we were interviewed by the head of Love INC, and then assigned to a budget counselor, who we would meet with weekly.
We were assigned to Rod, a wonderful man of God who I am so thankful for. He started out just getting to know us, looking at all of our forms to make sure we knew what we were doing, and then reassuring me (after I expressed a worry that we would do something wrong inadvertently and then get kicked out of the program) that he would guide us all along the way, and that if we did something wrong because we didn't know any better, he would be the one to blame, not us.
The way the meetings go with our budget counselor is pretty simple. We meet for an hour every Thursday night. We always pray at the beginning. Then he checks to see if our receipts match up with the amount of cash we started with at the beginning of the week. We get cash figuring out what our expenses will be for that week, discussing our predictions with our budget counselor, and then getting our checkbook back for a few minutes to write a check for cash to take to the bank the next day. The cash we get is what we have to live on for that week. If we run out...too bad. We have to wait until the next Thursday. At first we budgeted a little high, but then found that we always had extra money, so kept paring down what we were spending. We started out spending approximately 100 dollars a week on gas and around 80 dollars a week on groceries. We now usually spend around 60 dollars a week on gas and 30 dollars a week on groceries.
Rod always, always, always brings us back to the word of God. Every need, praise, or prayer request is brought before God. And also, if the need is one that Love INC has the possibility of meeting, we can put a request into the program. It has so many partners or former participants across the Treasure Valley that things like car repairs can be done with minimal cost to us...and the money we would normally spend on that would once again be used to pay down debt. And about every three weeks, Rod will ask us to "sweep the account." This is where we plan out the next 6 weeks of expenses, compare it with what we will make and what we have in the bank, and take any excess and pay down our debt. And we ALWAYS HAVE EXCESS.
We now have a balanced checkbook, and always know exactly where our money is going. Our bills are completely up to date. We have obviously added nothing to our credit card debt, since we don't have our credit cards.
And since starting the program, we have paid off nearly $8000 in debt. Can you see the smile on my face in your imagination?
This is such an incredible example of the church at work. It is not just one church that contributes to and runs this program. There are so many churches and volunteers from all over the Treasure Valley who contribute. And the people who come to the program are from all walks of life. But we are all at a point where we know there is a better way to live, and simply weren't able to get there on our own.
This has been a long post, but I hope an encouraging one. For those of you who live in the Treasure Valley, or anywhere else where there is a Love INC program, I would HIGHLY encourage you to get involved. Some of you might be like Chris and I...in that stage of knowing you need help with your finances and are tired of trying to fix them on your own. Others of you might have things to donate, or time to volunteer. But I can tell you, from personal experience, it is a life changing program, and one that IS making a difference in people's lives. Please be in prayer for this ministry, and give God praise with me for the wonderful people He put in our lives through it. If you have any more questions about it, feel free check out the website, or e-mail me if you would like prayer for your particular situation.
Praise God for the great work He is doing through His people!
I talk to my twin sister quite often, and it seems that Love INC comes up at least two or three times during that conversation. Recently, she mentioned that I should blog about my experience with them. And so, here it is. :)
I first heard about Love INC at College Church's Living Christmas Tree. I was in the choir, and the proceeds of all the concerts were going to their organization. They had several families give their testimonies about what the organization had done for them. One family had been up to their eyeballs in credit card debt, didn't have a stable home, and were on the verge of divorce. The program had given the resources and tools to get back on their feet, pay off their debt, purchase a home, and save their marriage. I remember getting a little emotional as I heard the testimonies, but also saying to myself, "How in the world does anyone get themselves into that much debt. I'm so glad I'm so smart financially."
And of course, God heard my thoughts. :)
Three years later, Chris and I were in marital crisis, and I was severely depressed. The finances took a backseat. I had always been in charge of paying the bills and knowing how much money we had at any given time. We were without any credit card debt. In fact, the only debt we had was our mortgage and student loans, which I had always understood to be "good debt."
Fast-forward three months, and we had been able to sell our house, but at a loss of over five thousand dollars. My mom lent us the money so that we could pay the loss. Chris' dad lent us money to move to Nampa. And so we arrived at my sister-in-law's house in Nampa to live there while we were looking for another house. They were so graciously generous with us, and yet we continued to spend as though we had the same income we'd had in Washington...except that neither of us were working at the time.
Credit card debt is dangerous in many ways, but what did us in was the fact that once it got to the point where we knew we couldn't pay it off, we just sort of stopped trying to keep it under control. Thoughts like, "Well, we're already so deeply in, a $4.19 drink from Starbucks won't make that much of a difference." And these thoughts, of course, are lethal to any attempt to get debt under control and paid off.
Fast forward to 7 months ago. Our debt was ridiculous. Over $14,000 in credit card debt. I still owed my mom the money for our house. We still owed Chris' dad for the moving expenses. We had around $2000 in medical bills. And Chris had gone back to school for his teaching certification, nearly tripling his student loan debt. I was up nights just thinking about it, not having any idea how in the world we would be able to pay it off. And Chris was about to start student teaching, so we would have an additional $1000 per month in childcare expense.
And that's where Love INC came back into my life. Friends of ours from church had mentioned the New Hope Relational program that Love INC offered, which had enabled them to pay off all of their debt, and gave them the tools to reach financial stability. And it was all biblically based in it's philosophy. Chris and I had tried to get into the program a year ago, but couldn't because his teaching classes were on the same night as the program itself, and they wouldn't let us do it with just me attending the classes for the program.
So Chris made a few calls during the first week of January, and after going through a brief interview, we were invited to come to the first orientation meeting. Our first meeting was so hardcore. We were told that the program works, but only for those who make it work. We had to commit to coming to the program every single Thursday night for a year, which included meeting with a budget counselor and taking various classes. We were told that we would have to give all of our credit cards, debit card, and checks to Love INC until we were finished with the program. And before being placed with a budget counselor, we had a variety of steps that we had to complete. If we didn't complete them within two months, we would be kicked out of the program. With that being said, the program was completely free. So they were entitled to a few rules.
I left that night feeling a little frightened. But I was even more frightened of the consequences of us not doing anything about our financial situation for even one more day.
So we continued going to the preliminary classes. We were taught things like how to balance a checkbook (which I was very arrogant about knowing how to do, even though I hadn't done it in years), the difference between various kinds of debt, etc. Our assignments for the first few weeks included writing down every single purchase we made, what we made it with, and what category of purchase it fit into (entertainment, home, groceries, transportation, etc.). We also started having access to Love INC's food pantry, which provides tons of dry and canned goods to the participants of the New Hope program. They use this to help cut normal grocery expenses while we try to pay down debt. It feels a little awkward at first...but we get over that as we see just how little we can actually live on.
The second set of classes included learning the different forms we would be using with our budget counselor, including a checkbook balance sheet, a monthly payment calendar, a budget worksheet, a debt worksheet (that one was hard), and also getting a credit report. The last one was very scary, but ended up actually making us feel better...our credit score was not anywhere close to as bad as we thought it might be. It did show us all of our creditors and the amount of debt we had (which I actually hadn't been totally aware of ...on purpose, of course). For attending the classes and completing the homework assignments, we began receiving vouchers as rewards. These vouchers included gas voucher, diaper vouchers, oil change voucher, haircut vouchers...more stuff that we could use so that the money we would normally spend on them could be used to pay down debt.
Once we had all of those things together and had turned in our credit cards, debit cards, and checkbooks (again, SCARY!), we graduated into the part of the program where we were interviewed by the head of Love INC, and then assigned to a budget counselor, who we would meet with weekly.
We were assigned to Rod, a wonderful man of God who I am so thankful for. He started out just getting to know us, looking at all of our forms to make sure we knew what we were doing, and then reassuring me (after I expressed a worry that we would do something wrong inadvertently and then get kicked out of the program) that he would guide us all along the way, and that if we did something wrong because we didn't know any better, he would be the one to blame, not us.
The way the meetings go with our budget counselor is pretty simple. We meet for an hour every Thursday night. We always pray at the beginning. Then he checks to see if our receipts match up with the amount of cash we started with at the beginning of the week. We get cash figuring out what our expenses will be for that week, discussing our predictions with our budget counselor, and then getting our checkbook back for a few minutes to write a check for cash to take to the bank the next day. The cash we get is what we have to live on for that week. If we run out...too bad. We have to wait until the next Thursday. At first we budgeted a little high, but then found that we always had extra money, so kept paring down what we were spending. We started out spending approximately 100 dollars a week on gas and around 80 dollars a week on groceries. We now usually spend around 60 dollars a week on gas and 30 dollars a week on groceries.
Rod always, always, always brings us back to the word of God. Every need, praise, or prayer request is brought before God. And also, if the need is one that Love INC has the possibility of meeting, we can put a request into the program. It has so many partners or former participants across the Treasure Valley that things like car repairs can be done with minimal cost to us...and the money we would normally spend on that would once again be used to pay down debt. And about every three weeks, Rod will ask us to "sweep the account." This is where we plan out the next 6 weeks of expenses, compare it with what we will make and what we have in the bank, and take any excess and pay down our debt. And we ALWAYS HAVE EXCESS.
We now have a balanced checkbook, and always know exactly where our money is going. Our bills are completely up to date. We have obviously added nothing to our credit card debt, since we don't have our credit cards.
And since starting the program, we have paid off nearly $8000 in debt. Can you see the smile on my face in your imagination?
This is such an incredible example of the church at work. It is not just one church that contributes to and runs this program. There are so many churches and volunteers from all over the Treasure Valley who contribute. And the people who come to the program are from all walks of life. But we are all at a point where we know there is a better way to live, and simply weren't able to get there on our own.
This has been a long post, but I hope an encouraging one. For those of you who live in the Treasure Valley, or anywhere else where there is a Love INC program, I would HIGHLY encourage you to get involved. Some of you might be like Chris and I...in that stage of knowing you need help with your finances and are tired of trying to fix them on your own. Others of you might have things to donate, or time to volunteer. But I can tell you, from personal experience, it is a life changing program, and one that IS making a difference in people's lives. Please be in prayer for this ministry, and give God praise with me for the wonderful people He put in our lives through it. If you have any more questions about it, feel free check out the website, or e-mail me if you would like prayer for your particular situation.
Praise God for the great work He is doing through His people!
Friday, July 2, 2010
Strides
Summer has proved to be what it usually is...a time of rest (daily naps, woo-hoo!), a time of reconnecting (I thought I knew my kids...I'm finding out their depths are as endless as my own), and a time of reorganizing (for those of you who know me well, I know the last one is hard to believe).
It has, at times, been rather lonely. I find that when Chris leaves town, fewer people can or want to hang out, so I have many more hours alone with my kids than I am used to. This is not necessarily a bad thing, since so much of the school year is spent apart, but it has pushed me into a few moments of self doubt about this particular time in my life. This is where the time for reorganizing and reconnecting with my kids comes back in.
In the time spent with my kids, I've discovered quite a few things.
Kadee Joy: really never can have "too much" attention. I used to view this as a bad thing. I still struggle with it, but then just realize that she is simply designed this way, and it serves her well in new social situations. I'm afraid she really does get the raw end of the deal in having not one, but two brothers with special needs. She is the one that we depend on for normalcy, and whom we expect the most out of. She really is so good to her brothers, and has such a funny little personality. Mommy and Daddy dates mean the world to her, as do getting to go over to other people's houses. She recently told some friends of ours "Come over if you get bored!" She always wants people around. Sound like anyone else we know? :)
Andrew: had really hit a wall, developmentally. He had also regressed in his communication and had begun having almost hourly meltdowns that consisted of the most wretched screams I have ever heard, although they were probably more wretched to me because I am his mother. It's hard to tell what exactly triggered them...he could be at home, in his comforts zone, or he could be in very crowded public places. He could be well rested, or he could be tired. He could be full, or he could be hungry. Vacation Bible School raised my concerns dramatically when he couldn't even attend 3 out of the 5 nights because he had had such rough days that we knew he would have to spend the entire time separated from all of his peers, and placed in the nursery. And four year olds do not belong in the nursery.
So on Monday, I took him to his semi-annual autism doctor's appointment, and after describing the consistency and type of his behavior, we decided to go the medication route. I had hoped to avoid it. Chris had reservations about it, knowing that Andrew was not deciding to be medicated, but rather being forced.
The first day on it, Andrew was a zombie. He fell asleep for three hours (during the day) and then kept asking to go to sleep. It was completely atypical Andrew behavior.
The second day, still mostly a zombie. He layed down on the couch on his own, and once again took a three hour nap and had very little energy for the rest of the day.
Then the third day came, and I noticed that the screaming had gone done from multiple times in an hour to only a few times during the entire day.
And then the zoo trip came. That was yesterday. He was not in a stroller, was surrounded by people (including the group of youth we had taken with us) and did not have his usual comforts (blanket and sippy cup). And he did SO WELL. He didn't run. He held our hands the entire time (which he can usually only tolerate for about 30 seconds). He showed great interest in the animals, many of which he labeled properly. And I'm fairly sure if he did scream, it was only one or two times, and it was never very loud. It was a good day. :)
Jeffy: This little boy seems to amaze everyone who comes in contact with him. He's so smart. Yesterday, Chris and I were watching the West Wing and he had snuck out of bed for what must have been the sixth time that night. When the opening music came on, he started conducting it. Every single rhythmic and melodic change was noted by his gracefully moving arms. It was CRAZY, but so cool. He also did extremely well at VBS, and was able to stay with his peers the entire time, and loved doing all the movements to the music.
He has been climbing like crazy, jumping like crazy, running all over the place, all of which he was nowhere near being able to do last summer. He goes to a developmental therapy group for 2 1/2 hours once a week, and the therapists always sing his praises when we pick him up. He's still working on interacting with his peers...he relates to objects, letters, and numbers much more easily...so we continue to try and get him into as many social situations as Andrew will allow. Hopefully that number will grow.
And then there's Chris and I. I don't know if anyone else finds this to be true, but the summertime can bring out both the best and the worst in the lives of married couples because you have so much more time together than usual. Chris and I are so different from each other, and this always is more pronounced during the summer time, since both of us are at home so much more often.
I have been struggling with the respect issue. Any other women struggling with that in regards to their husbands? I find this to be particularly difficult after Chris has been gone for a little bit. I become master of my home domain, and then he comes back and I still want to rule all. :)
I'm wondering if this has anything to do with the fact that I have grown up my whole life knowing, and being told, that I could do anything I wanted to do. I have always been captain of my own fate, spiritually, educationally, career-wise...
Then marriage comes along, and so much of what they teach in the church is subjection to a husbands decisions and plans, and respect for him as the head of the household. And this seems to totally contradict what I as an independent woman have learned and experienced in the world outside of marriage. I find myself wanting to voice my own opinion as being the superior one CONSTANTLY. I find the role of a wife just plain old HARD in so many ways.
And yet, as a Christian and student of the Word of God, I know that He has called me to something else. To something harder, more against nature perhaps...but so much of my natural instincts are so wrong, and so hurtful. And I see what my attitude of disrespect does to my husband. I see the pain, and know how hurtful it is to him.
So, in this blog on strides, I would ask you to pray for me, as a wife called to something higher in Christ. I would ask for you to pray that my heart would be changed and my mind renewed to that of Christ's.
I want to be a woman with Christ living through her, more than trying to meet the double standards that this world has set up in regards to the many roles I now find myself in. And by the way, in case you didn't know, my husband is WORTH it. He takes such good care of me in so many extraordinary ways that most wives would be amazed to see in their own husbands. This is what makes the struggle so sad...I don't have a mean, obnoxious, chauvinistic, abusive husband...I have a wonderfully kind and really unique husband who is very desirous of my time with him.
Prayers needed! But so many praises as well.
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