The Absence of Gray

I'm growing impatient with the world.

When I was in college, I turned from a fairly black and white person into a barely black and white person. Nearly all moral lines were blurred, mostly as a result of me crossing them. I hid from the light because I was scared to death of what it would show. I lived in a world of gray, a world in which rationalizing could change any right to wrong, and any wrong into right. It was a world of pain, a world of lies, and a world of tears. It took me many years to recover from the wounds I received while living in that world.

I don't think I fully appreciated the light until about two years ago. Many of you know what happened, and the crippling blow my marriage took. It was one that most marriages do not heal from. It was by the light of Christ, though, that the blow was seen by both my husband and I for its' true, destructive self. Once we were able to see it for what it really was, we were able to, with God's ever-sustaining grace, be healed and have our marriage regrown. Our marriage now has the foundation it always needed, and God's light is constantly shining down on us to show where we are, who we are, and the path He would have us take.

But with that realization came several things. One was a great deal of empathy for those dealing with similar struggles in their marriages. Another was a great deal of respect for the work successful marriages have to have placed into them.

But the one that has stood out to me of late is the utter contempt I have for the rationalization so many are using in the destructive decisions they make in regard to their marriages. I am sickened tonight by yet another person my age who is taking their marriage and tossing it away for a perceived happiness that may or may not be out there. A perceived happiness based in someone else, or something else. They are so utterly deceived.

Don't get me wrong. I have been deceived. My husband has been deceived. We have both suffered a tremendous amount because of our actions on the basis of this deception. I know that I am no better in my actions than the dear one who acted on them tonight.

But I have also lived the hell that being on the other end of it is. I know the feelings of abandonment, the despair, the pain, the crippling self-doubt. And I think that those who inflict this have virtually no comprehension of what they are inflicting.

They are so deceived. Their world is gray, but the hell that they are putting their families through, and will eventually go through themselves is not.

Please, Lord....Speak into the heart of the person on my mind. Bring hope to the family, even when hope cannot be seen. Please pour your peace into their family, and bring light into their world.