Lessons in humility

I'm a bit of a know-it-all. It's sad but true. When I was younger, if I didn't know an answer I would just make one up. This kept up until high school and college. Then I would infuse what little truth I did know with a more interesting "twist". And I was quiet, and fairly intelligent, so it was seldom questioned.

I got called on it enough times in college to make me a slightly more humble person who might actually say "I don't know." Life has thrown enough curveballs at me to let me know that I don't know, that my experience in my life is MY experience and cannot always be generalized, and that there are areas of expertise that I might not actually belong to.

I also have a weak tendency towards sticking with the things that I know I do well, and shutting out most areas that I don't immediately excel in. I try every once in a while...but I'm a person who really, really gets a lot out of verbal affirmation, and I usually get more of it sticking to the usual things.

Well, God has pointed out to me twice in the last 24 hours that even just sticking to things I think I do well still do not completely protect me from the occasional humiliation that will remind me once again that I am human, certainly not perfect, and still have much to learn.

The first came last night at choir practice. Our usual accompanists were gone, so we had another gal from our church doing it. And she was doing a great job. Then we got hit with a song that had a lot trickier rhythms in it, and she seemed a little hesitant to try and sight-read it. So naturally, being the wonderfully musically gifted human being I am, I volunteered to play the parts.

First of all, while I am not too bad at sight-reading while I'm singing, I am a TERRIBLE sight-reader while playing the piano. And even if I'm not sight-reading, I'm still not a confident player. So whatever possessed me to think that I could actually do a better job than the gifted piano player who was already up there was...I don't know.

But needless to say, two notes into it I messed up...I don't know that I ever actually completely transitioned into the key we were supposed to be in. And trying to play more than two parts at a time? Forget about it. So, I had to call the other gal up like five minutes after getting up there. EMBARRASSING.

Then today at school I had a gal from NNU come to observe me for a field experience. So I'm thinking to myself, "Wow, I must be getting pretty good to have someone come and WATCH me teach...Oh, and it's this kindergarten class with a lesson I've already done with the other class...yess....How do I look? Professional? Yeah! Lookin' good for being 29 with three babies!"

And so my conversation with myself goes. So I meet the gal, and she's very nice, and I tell her a little bit about myself, what grades she'll be seeing me teach, etc...

And then the kindergarten class comes in. I kid you not, I think someone had paid them money to act up at that precise moment. Even the normally well behaved kids were talking out of turn, making animal sounds, crawling around when they were supposed to be sitting...It was terrible. I had to send two of the really out of control ones to a time-out spot, and then had the others put their heads down...and this was within the first ten minutes of the class.

Then at the end, one of the girls (again, usually well behaved) started to throw a bonafide tantrum. It was AWESOME. Right after they left, the third graders started coming in for their turn and were talking as they came in...a big no-no. So I threw out of my mind that someone was watching and immediately let them know that they needed to shape up and do what they were supposed to do.

So behaviorally, they were fine. However, they seemed to have no clue as to how to do any of the things we did today. They were reading simple rhythms, and kids who normally have no problem doing it could not get out even the most basic ones. I'm sure it seemed that I was asking them to complete a ridiculously advanced task, but I KNOW they can do it normally.

And that's been my last 24 hours. Needless to say, I was very glad to be home. And of course, I just have to laugh now as I realize how ridiculous the situation is. I'm sure that kids will give a better showing later, and I will never again volunteer to accompany. :)