Then end of 2008

What a year! After 2007, I expected 2008 to be a breeze...although even with the challenges we've faced, I would definitely still do 2008 over 2007 any day. 2007 sucked. :)

January: On the 23rd, Jeffy was diagnosed with metopic craniosynostis, and Andrew was diagnosed with autism. I still can't believe we did both of those appointments in one day.

February: Jeffy had his ridiculous skull/brain surgery to fix the early fusing of his skull. I remember the tears that came as I passed my little guy off to the surgeons. Healing came quickly after surgery, and he looks fantastic.

March: I think that was an "easy" month? :)

April: I bent down to pick up a clipboard off of my classroom floor and herniated my L5. Ouch! Luckily, my fifth graders were good enough to get help. That was my second ambulance ride of 2008. :)

May: I pretty well finished up my last month of my first year at Iowa Elementary. It was not the easiest of years, but I was definitely blessed to be able to get a job at the school. Great teachers, great staff, great kids.

June: Second honeymoon to Texas! Even better than our first honeymoon.

July: A trip to the Oregon coast, and the celebration of my daughter's 4th birthday.

August: My son Jeff and I celebrated our birthdays on August 8, along with my twin sister. My 7th anniversary hit a few days later, and I am so glad we were able to celebrate it with so much joy. First ever family camping trip at Wallowa Lake..what a blast! And then, the start of my second year at Iowa Elementary. A much smoother start, a much better year so far.

September: Kadee Joy started ballet, and has been so fun to watch as she continues to improve.

October, November: Good months, and Andrew started preschool in November after turning three years old. What a blessing to have him get right into to a great school that he LOVES. We had a visit from my brother and sister-in-law as well, which was fantastic.

December: Jeffy diagnosed with reactive arthritis. He is now responding to the steroids, and is (hopefully) getting closer to walking. We had visits from two different sets of grandmas and one grandpa, and are now getting ready to have some friends over for New Year's Eve.

Thank you Lord for your protection during this year. Thank you for the strength you provide us in times of doubt or fear. And thank you Lord for the plans you have for our lives...So much better than any we could hope for.

May we be used for your good purpose in the coming year.

Happy New Year, everyone!

Strength

First off...thank you all for the comments. I never quite know if I'm supposed to respond to them, but I do appreciate them. So many of your blogs are such an encouragement to me.

And now, for this one...

About two years ago I received the clearest calling from God I have ever received in my life. My marriage had disintegrated, my mind was in turmoil, and I was sick every morning with the nausea that accompanied my third pregnancy.

God called me in that moment to keep going with my marriage. Literally everything about the situation was calling me to give in. Everything. There were so many times when I just wanted to end it, feeling that if I ended it I would also end the pain that met me nearly every moment of every day.

In spite of this temptation to just be done, with the strength of God and the knowledge of his calling on my life, I kept going. And eventually, after much, much waiting, God showed me why He had called me to stick with it. Chris and I found a reconciliation, a resurrection, and a new calling in our redeemed marriage.

I've written about this experience before, but today God struck me with a new truth. The calling is not over. There are still days, weeks when it feels like the easiest thing to do would just not be to work on my marriage; days when I feel that things are just getting too hard, or days when ghosts of the past rear their ugly heads long enough to make me doubt this calling.

But God's calling in our lives is always going to be fought by the temptations in this life for a quick fix. Ending my pain by ending my marriage, or worse, my life, was a temptation that I know I am not alone in feeling. But of course, the truth of the matter is that it would not have ended my pain, or made life easier...the price Satan exacts for the sin he brings you into is your ultimate destruction and death, and with a far greater amount of pain, for both you and the people around you.

I guess I'm just reminded that we each have a calling on our life, one placed by God, and one that will sometimes seem harder than it should be and its' importance blurred by the constant distractions and issues of life. But I amazed at how knowing what my calling was and is helped me to continue the journey, even when light or hope was unable to be seen or felt. My calling has taken me to places I had not imagined, and never would have been able to do without going on the journey I've been on. I always have to suppress a smile when people arrogantly say that they would never be or put themselves into certain situations. God knows us so much better than we know ourselves, and has an ultimate plan for our lives that is generally far outside of our small realm of thinking.

And in my life, God has used the past and present hardships to grow me, painful though it is sometimes, and to help me draw closer to Him.

God, grant me the strength and vision to continue in Your calling on my life.

It has a name

Today, our rheumatologist diagnosed Jeffy with Reiter's syndrome, or reactive arthritis. It doesn't normally hit kids this young...but apparently that is what it is. He found the arthritis in Jeffy's ankles. Reactive arthritis can hit a variety of places, and is technically a chronic autoimmune disease. But the stats on it are pretty promising. About half the people who are diagnosed with it don't ever have another episode again after they've been healed. But I should say that I know very little about it, having only heard of it four hours ago. And our son has it.

So we start steroids tonight, which should heal him from his current attack. Thank you for your prayers, particularly in that we would find the source of Jeffy's pain. It has been found, and we will do what we need to do to get him healed.

The Rudder of a Ship

Anyone else been having trouble with their mouths lately? Mine has been sailing me into rough waters. With the same mouth that tells my husband I love him, I also manage to tell him hundreds of little, tiny criticisms or complaints that just steadily steer me into storms.

If you know Chris Tiner at all, you probably know many of his strengths. If not, let me tell you about them. ;)

I first met Chris at NNU, although he first saw me before he ever became a student there. He was the loudest, most talkative person I had ever met. I stood next to him in Northwesterners, and I had no idea what to do with him. He would poke me in the ribs all the time, and as most of you probably know, the man has no bubble. I think the poking was a physical attempt to pop my very large personal space bubble.

One of the things that amazes me so much about my husband is his perserverance. Once he finds something he wants, he pursues it wholeheartedly. I found myself on the receiving end of this pursuit once he decided that I was the one for him. At one of our rehearsals, he asked me out nine times. And I said no every single time except for the last when, out of exasperation, I realized it would be the only way to get him to stop. Did I secretly love the pursuit? Of course. :)

He didn't make it to the first date before finding a different way into my heart. He came over to "study" with my sister for a religion class they were taking, but they never got there. He'd brought his guitar and played for me instead. After that, we were inseperable. Apparently we shocked the campus with the mixture of our personalities. It's funny to me now that Chris and I were such an odd pair. I mean, we still are in a lot of ways, but now I can't imagine my life without him.

Chris is an extremely talented man, and I got a recent reminder of that. I was at a ladies night out at my church doing one of the season's many gift exchanges when all of a sudden "Silent Night" broke into the air. Listening, I honestly thought it was a recording. But, oh no...it was my husband with his quartet. He came in with his folder in hand and sang in his beautiful bass voice. While he was singing, I beamed with pride (I think I beam?), and was amazed that this man was my husband, and that I actually got to take him home with me.

He leads worship at our church, and uses his gifts of music and words wonderfully well. Getting people comfortable around me is not easy...for Chris it is as natural as breathing. He has such a wonderful way of finding things in common with other people, and with humor gets them to feel welcome. His hugs are constant, and his teasing rarely fails to put a smile on people's faces.

Chris and I have never had an easy marriage, mainly due to the huge differences in our personalities and mode of communication. But I love the fact that our differences bring about such positive sharpening of the other person. Chris has opened my eyes to so many different worlds, is always looking for ways of showing me that he loves me, and is such a comfort to me in difficult times.

He is a WONDERFUL dad. And if you've ever seen him with our dear Andrew, you'll realize just what an amazing person he is. He stays at home with our kids so that Andrew has the best chance at this life, of getting the help that he needs. I may joke about Chris having a big head, but finding a man with the humility to stay at home and take care of the kids and house is a rarity, and I am lucky enough to be married to one.

We have had our deep valleys. There was a time when I was quite certain we were done. But the thing that I have grown to love most about my husband is his love for his Lord. In the darkest, deepest pit, he saw God's path for him, and with his perserverant heart climbed out of the pit to get back onto God's path. He has not turned back, and he continues to press on, even though the chains of the past frequently seek to try and hold him back. And sometimes, sadly, I am the one bringing the chains. I praise God for protecting Chris, and for giving him the strength that he has needed to continue on this road of peace.

Right now he's out on a body call...Not a booty call :)...a body call. At night, he is on call for a funeral home, and when he gets a call, he goes to houses or hospitals to pick up the body of someone who has died and takes the body to the funeral home. He does this so that he can still stay home with our kids. What an amazing man.

He has never been one to shy away from helping with diapers, he is the cook in our family, and he is the main communicator. I always laugh when people bring up the typical number of words the husband says compared to the typical number of words the wife says. Our numbers are definitely quite the opposite. He has always included me in his discussion of sports, and always lets me know as soon as something tragic, awesome, or anything in the middle has happened to one of his teams, players, or even anyone he thinks I might be interested in. I am lucky in that...he is always trying to include me in the interests of his life.

He is a closet genius. He has a goofy front that he puts out a lot, but underneath this is a man far more intelligent than myself, with a brain that can sort out an amazing range of subjects. He is one of the best spellers I've ever met, dominates at Trivial Pursuit, and can figure out most strategy games within the first few minutes of playing. He is always my competition in games, and generally beats me, although he does so graciously most of the time. His coordination is amazing, and I am always so proud of him when he plays sports, dances, or plays the piano or guitar.

I could go on and on, and the sad thing is, I rarely do. I have always been one of those people who feels that they should compliment rarely so that when one is given, it is taken for great worth. There is a little bit of good in that, but it has kept me from saying so many things that would have been so encouraging to other people, and what help is that?

This holdout has hurt my husband the most. There are SO MANY things that are wonderful about my husband, and most people have rarely heard me comment on any of them. He is an exceptional man, passionate, obviously with some faults, but overwhelmingly with so many strengths. I am blessed to call him my husband, and find myself frustrated constantly with how infrequently I am the one in the right. :) He is wise beyond his years, humble at his core being, and a truly wonderful husband and man of God.

So Lord, teach me how to steer my tongue in the direction of love, encouragement, and thanksgiving. And thank You for this wonderful man I am privileged to call my husband.

Jeffy's Pain

The day Thanksgiving Break started was the day Jeffy started acting funny. Just odd, weird, fussy behavior. As the weekend progressed, his fussy behavior was accompanied by slow movement. He wanted to be held all the time, he was waking himself up by crying in the night. There weren't any other symptoms, though, so we didn't really know what to make of it. He then started showing a strained face whenever he had to hold up his neck, or go from a lying down position to a sitting position.

Sunday night, I realized that he didn't seem to be getting any better, so I told Chris he would need to try and get him into the doctor on Monday. The word meningitis had been suggested to me, so with that scary thought, I went to work, and Chris took Jeffy to our pediatrician on Monday. At his appointment, our pediatrician agreed that something was indeed wrong, but was confused by the lack of additional symptoms. So she ordered a slough of blood tests to be done, which Chris immediately took Jeffy to the lab to take care of. Jeffy and Chris came back home, and Jeffy's symptoms got worse. He was soon dragging one of his legs while he crawled, straining to move his head or body in any way...we were puzzled and worried, and had no idea what was wrong with our dear boy. I went to work on Tuesday, still thinking that it just might be meningitis.

It's never good when the pediatrician calls after hours. Our call came at 9:00 pm at night. The blood work results had come in. Jeffy was normal in all tests...but one. His SED (sp?) rate was abnormally high. The SED rate measures the amount of inflammation in the body. Normal is 5. Jeffy had 60. Our pediatrician mentioned two possibilities...arthritis or another type of autoimmune disease. We didn't really know what to make of these...and tried to let the information settle that night. The next day, our pediatrician called the specialists, and determined that Jeff needed to get in to a rheumatologist who deals with children with arthritis. I was a bit persistent with both offices, and was able to get Jeffy an appointment with the specialist for the 18th of December. The rheumatologist was quite insistent that he see Jeffy in two weeks, which apparently is rather rare. The usual wait is quite a bit longer.

Meanwhile, starting on Tuesday, Jeff wasn't able to stand up in his crib...or sit up. Or turn his head. He was crying and we knew he wanted to get up, but he just wasn't able to move. When I would go and get him out of his crib in the morning, his whole face would screw up in pain, and his entire body was rigid with it. I would lay him down on the ground so that he could play and he wouldn't move...at all. He would reach over for toys with his hand, but be unable to turn his head to look for them. We had to take to placing lightweight toys on his chest so the he could feel them, although he was not able to see them since that would involve moving his head down slightly. It was horrible. I've never seen any of my children in such terrible pain. He was on an anti-inflammatory, but about 2 hours before he was able to take his next dose, the medication would wear off and he would go back into the paralyzing stiffness and pain. When I called my doctor about that yesterday morning, she was shocked, and asked for us to come back in this Monday, but also added that he could have Tylenol halfway through the doses of Ibuprofen. This certainly seemed to help. When the pain medication had kicked in, he was totally different. As soon as it started wearing off, the pain was easy to read on Jeffy's face and in his movement.

So naturally, I've been reading up on Juvenile Arthritis, wondering if this could indeed be what is plaguing my son. It's a chronic, lifelong illness that can prey upon the young and can cause debilitating flare-ups that sounded eerily similar to what Jeffy is going through. As I started reading, I started to kick myself as I wondered if this was why Jeffy, at the age of 16 months, was still unable to walk, why he never put pressure back when someone would try to stand him on their laps, why it took him so long to start crawling, why he would sometimes move around with one leg looking as though he was trying to stand, and the other one dragging in the crawling position...I'd always been reassuredby others, and reassured myself that it was because of his skull and brain surgery, and that he was simply behind because of that.

And it still may be. Jeffy woke up this morning in a delightful mood, without the ibuprofen that he's been depending on for the past week. He seems to be moving well, at least well enough to crawl, although he's getting a little slower as the morning goes on. Is this episode over? Is the whole thing over? We'll find out soon enough I guess. For now, I am just so glad that his pain has subsided for the time being. I had forgotten what a happy child he normally is until he woke up this morning in such a good mood. He'd been so sad, so irritable, so full of pain, he had become a different child.

So we'll see what our pediatrician says on Monday.

And, as in all things, we will be put our baby boy back in the arms of his Heavenly Father, who in all things has been his Protector and the Keeper of his life.