Doing and being

I feel completely differently about 2009 than I did about 2008. For 2008, I made no resolutions. Not one. I didn't even think about it.

2008 was simply a year when I let whatever was going to happen...happen. Life was such a roller coaster leading up to January of last year that I didn't really even consider trying to break out of what was about to come. I just prayed for the strength to be able to handle it, and for God's will to be done.

I don't think that was a bad perspective. Looking back on the year, I don't think there was really any other way to handle it. There was nothing I was going to be able to do to keep my sons from being diagnosed with their various things. Metaphorically, the water had been at or above my head for quite a while. I wasn't going to do anything that would potentially add more.

January of 2009, on the other hand, has simply been a time for me to think about what I want to do to better myself and my family's situation, and a time for setting goals to accomplish that. I'm much more optimistic about 2009 and what exciting things are going to happen, rather than simply bracing myself for the difficulties I knew would ultimately come.

I've never been much for resolutions, but God has been clearly pointing out areas in my life that need to be changed. Attitudes, perspectives, habits...

So I'm excited for this New Year. I feel newly rejuvenated and motivated. Andrew is making huge gains, and I can't wait to see what he is able to do by January of 2010. My beautiful little girl will be starting kindergarten this year! I'm excited for the opportunities of learning and social interaction that school will afford her.

Jeffy, I am determined, will learn to walk and talk in 2009. It may not be when I want him to (that would have been a few months ago) but through whatever means we need to do whether it's therapy or what have you, he'll be able to do those things. And I will get to know my little boy even better.

Chris and I have moved into an area past just healing and now into full-on growth. I'm excited for what God is going to teach me through my marriage. We're teaching a new Sunday School class that has opened up so many doors of discussion and spiritual growth. Thank you Lord for that opportunity! But with all that, I know that I can be a much better wife and friend to my husband. God, please help me to look to You as the source of my hope and strength, so that I may in turn be able to give more to my husband, rather than looking to him to provide those things instead.

And I'm going to turn 30 this year. What in the world? When did that happen? But what a great wakeup call. Life will pass us by so quickly.

I want to be an excellent teacher. Not just a good teacher, but an excellent one. In some cases, I see these kids for only a few weeks before they're uprooted to another school. Lord, let your light shine through me so that in some miraculous way, they can be pointed ever closer to You.

I want to be a colleague that is encouraging, affirming, but who can also be constructively honest. I've been reworking conversations over and over in my head. I don't have it all figured out, and I think sometimes I try to come across as though I do. I have had several moments of humility come upon me because of my sometimes know-it-all-ish attitude. Lord, help me to be more like you.

I want to be a good friend. I tend to be a person that may know a lot of people through various situations, but keeps my real friends to a smaller number. There are many things I think of doing for people, but generally tend to just let them go by the wayside as I continue to focus on me. I am praying that my eyes will not only be opened to the ways I can love my friends, but that I will also be provided with the motivation to follow through.

And spiritually, I am determined to allow enough silence in my life to let God tell me what He actually wants me to focus on, which of course might rule out a bunch of goals I've just set. :)Lord, please show me the path you would have me follow each day. Help me to learn from the past, but not to dwell on it...and to build a home for my children and husband that enables us to look to the future with glad expectation while enjoying the delights of each present day.

I have not attained all that I can, and certainly have much to learn. But I am excited for what this year brings. Thank you Lord for bringing us to this point.