Goodbye

Yesterday I made my second trip to the Ear Nose Throat doctor, did a bunch more tests, and came away with news I'm not real happy with, but will eventually be okay with. I was diagnosed with Meniere's disease, which is an inner ear disease that affects the equilibrium and overall health of the inner ear. It manifests itself in the dizzy spells that have been plaguing me, and the plugged ear feeling I've had in my right ear. And, as far as I can tell, it is lifelong.

Treatment? Low sodium diet and no caffeine, as well as some daily medication. This is where the gluttonous side of me comes out. Low sodium is hard to come by. Check out the sodium content on most foods. However, I am allowed 2000 mg a day, as long as I divide them up equally throughout the day. The caffeine is a little tough to take as well, considering my love for the SB (Starbucks), because even the chocolate I get in my mochas have caffeine. Decaf vanilla lattes? I don't know.

The eerie side of it is that this was what they initially diagnosed my dad with when he had the same symptoms. They eventually switched the diagnosis to a different inner ear disease, but the treatment was the same. I remember the low sodium lifestyle. Dad was on it until he died. I think that that may be where I'm having difficulty. I've seen how this affects everything from going out to eat to going to friends houses, and I remember how horrible I felt for Dad. A friend and I were trying to figure out where to go for lunch, and finally settled on Red Robin where I had fries (no salt) and a gardenburger wrapped in lettuce. Not what I would like, but it stuck to my 300 mg per meal regimen.

So goodbye Reuben sandwiches, goodbye pickles, goodbye salad dressing, goodbye pizza, goodbye deli meats and goodbye chips. And hello fresh fruits and vegetables, no salt butter, cooking with garlic and vinegar, Mrs. Dash everything, and asking for nutritional content information at every restaurant and potluck I go to. It is a change in lifestyle certainly, but I would be silly not to realize that it is a much, much healthier change, and one that any cheating on my part would result in immediate, not fun consequences.

But with all the silly selfishness said, it is not life threatening, it is simply life altering. There were many much scarier scenarios that were possible. So forgive my present selfishness, particularly those of you going through life threatening illnesses, or those of you with family members going through them. My difficulty is not the same, or anywhere close to it.

Lord, please help me to be content with this new change in diet, and thank you for your protection of my life.

Progress

My son Andrew has been amazing me lately. He is making so many gains in social skills, communication skills, even basic self care skills.

His latest funny thing has been that he really likes to help make scrambled eggs. He will go to the kitchen, open up the fridge, take out the egg carton (carefully :)) and bring it to us and say, "Eggs?". Then he walks with us over to the kitchen counter, sets them on the kitchen counter, gets out the mixing bowl, the pan, and the whisk, helps us crack the eggs, mixes the eggs, and dumps them into the pan. Then I turn on the burner, he gets and spatula, and stirs the eggs as they cook. After they're done, he says "Sit down," runs to the table after getting a fork, and waits for me to bring him his plate of eggs. Too cute!

He's also learning how to be a little booger, but in a way that shows us he's picking up on communication. He and his sister can now argue over toys "My toy!" "Le' go!" "No, no, no!" Here you go, sissy."

And then, there's Chris and I's favorite Andrew-ism. If he wants you to lay down next to him when he goes to bed, he waits for you to come in with his blanket, cup, and then, after you've come in, he runs behind you and shuts the door so that you can't get out. He's still very much a snuggler.

He's loving school, and his teacher gave glowing reports about the progress he's made. He still has a long way to go, but transitions have become so much easier, he is counting, he can sing whole songs and has good enough pitch for us to recognize them! He's getting better about Jeffy too, although I'm pretty sure he prefers his Mommy over everyone. He's helping to dress himself, will look at books independently, and is doing fantastically well in his Sunday School class.

All in all, we are very proud of our boy, and so thankful for the many people in his life who lead him closer and closer to a more easier understood way of living.

How quickly

How quickly the clouds roll in.
How quickly the shades are pulled down.
How quickly my eyes are filled with tears.
How quickly the key becomes minor.
How quickly Keats becomes gospel.
How quickly the water rises.
How quickly my eyes are darkened.
How quickly the light is shut out.
How quickly the mind turns.
How quickly the fingers fly.
How quickly the world caves in.
How quickly the silence becomes an invitation.
How quickly black makes sense.
How quickly the cup runs out.
How quickly the strength leaves.
How quickly the questions feel unanswerable.
How quickly the wind feels lonely.
How quickly the blessings are forgotten.
How quickly His Word is left unopened.
How quickly my memory is under shadow.
How quickly the tragic becomes the norm.
How quickly happiness feels irritating.
How quickly the small becomes overwhelming.
How quickly the fuse becomes short.
How quickly answers are no longer searched for.
How quickly Death seems to be the ultimate conqueror.
How quickly faint whispers seem so close.
How quickly the clouds roll in.
How quickly I forget the brightness of the sun.
How quickly.
How quickly indeed.

Another Wild Weekend

About two weeks ago I called my mom up and let her know that I was really missing her and the rest of my extended family. My dad's side was having their annual get together in Neskowin, OR on President's Day weekend, and I wondered aloud if it would be possible for us to come. We looked into plane tickets, which were way too high since it was under 21 days away. Then I talked to Chris about it, and he was all for all five of us driving over. Mom was able to get a bigger room at the Inn at Proposal Rock, where she and the rest of my family were planning on staying. So I took a personal day on Friday, and early Friday morning we drove to the coast.

That part of the trip went really well. We had minimal crying from the backseat, and we managed to make it there in time to pick up Mom (well, caravan with her) and head to Neskowin. Right before we left, Chris presented me with a beautiful boquet of wildflower looking flowers. So beautiful! As I think about it though, I'm pretty sure we left them at mom's house. But they really were beautiful.

We picked up pizza on the way there, and started eating it once we got to our suite, which had an ocean view and was AWESOME. Shortly after arriving, we found some of my cousins and my grandparents. They were heading to Mo's, a wonderful chowder house, and both my mom and husband encouraged me to go with them, while they stayed with the kids and allowed them to unwind from the 9 hour car ride.

It was great fun, and I had some delicious clam chowder and iced tea. I got back that night and had as nice a night's sleep as any hide-a-bed will allow.

The next morning we woke up to blue skies and our great view. The kids had all rested well, although we were all awake a little earlier than the rest of our Pacific time zone relatives.

Later that morning we had a great breakfast with the fam that was already there. The kids had a great time getting to know their third cousins. After that, Chris took Jeffy back to the room for a late morning nap, and the kids and I went to the beach with some of my cousins. It was a little chilly, but we had fun, even though Andrew insisted on running as close to the surf as possible. Proposal Rock is notorious for it's swiftly changing tides, and we were almost caught by it several times. It started to get dark, so we started the long walk in, and by the time we got back to our room, it was pouring. The kids and I changed into dry clothes, and then took a nice afternoon nap.





Upon waking, Chris and I saw that the weather had changed back into blue skies, and so Mom volunteered to take the kids while we walked. It was a wonderful time alone, with the refreshing wind that only an ocean can provide.



After our walk, we went over to get some coffee. Our mocha orders were taken by a guy who looked like he was too old to even know what we were talking about. However, appearances can be deceiving, and he turned out a fantastic vanilla mocha.

At this point, things turned a little crazy when an unexpected guest at our get together had to be taken by ambulance to the hospital. Chris had run out upon seeing a few people around her, and had the sense to get the people in our group who actually knew her. Unfortunately, the poor woman turned out to be highly intoxicated, and had fallen due to the effects of the alcohol. So she was taken away, and her daughter had to drive her back home after her stay in the hospital.

After that, we all got ready to have our big family dinner. It was chili and salad, and looked and smelled awesome. I had just sat down to look at some letters my grandfather had written his mother when Jeffy came over to be picked up. I passed the book to Chris, and five seconds later Jeffy puked all over me...and puked....and puked...and puked....and with each puke my family would give a louder, higher pitched "Ohhh!" So, Chris and I walked back with Jeffy to our room, while my mom cleaned up the mess. Chris volunteered to stay with Jeffy and Andrew, who was a little restless by this point, and I went back after completely changing every article of puke soaked clothing.

The dinner was fine, although I was a little queasy after being puked on. We headed back a little while later and found that Jeffy's puking had not stopped. As I took Jeffy, I started to feel even queasier. Needless to say, I also got whatever bug he had, and puked that night, and was unable to get up for our final family breakfast. Chris drove the windy roads back to Tillamook as slowly as he could without getting pulled over, and when we finally got there, I went to bed, and stayed there pretty much all day. It was still a beautiful, completely blue skied day, and I couldn't go anywhere or see anyone. MISERABLE!

So this morning, after puking again, we packed up our stuff for Nampa. About halfway through the trip I was able to actually eat again, and by the time we got home, I felt much better, although a little weak. Chris had to go to class tonight, so I'm very glad I was over the stomach stuff by that time.

It was a difficult weekend in those respects, but not nearly as difficult as it could have been. My husband was so thoughtful, and so attentive to me and to the kids. He was so supportive in giving me as much time with my dad's family as I could get, stayed with the kids during naps or necessary breaks, was up with the kids both nights I was sick, and drove both ways to allow me to sleep. I have married an extraordinarily wonderful man, and this weekend was just another reminder of that.

And I did get to see dad's side of the family, which was the best thing this weekend, the fourth anniversary of his untimely death, could possibly produce.

Dizzy

I think I may be due for a doctor's appointment. I am so dizzy right now that I can't even stand up. The spells have been coming on fast, and are getting more frequent. It feels like it's a dumb thing to go the doctor for, though. I mean, everyone gets dizzy every once in a while, right?

But the thing is, I've had to take time off work for them, I've had to grab onto furniture to keep from falling, and will oftentimes have to lay down for hours at a time, waiting for the world to stop spinning. I've had at least 10 spells in the last two months...spells serious enough for me to lay down.

Dad lived like this perpetually for the last five years of his life. I can't even imagine.

Here's the difficulty: I don't have a regular doctor. I've been pregnant so much during the last five years that I really didn't need one...my Ob/Gyn was seeing me at least once a month. And last year, when I tried to get into one, they said I might have to wait for a month. And that's when I had a herniated disc! I can't imagine them wanting to get me in sooner for a few dizzy spells.

But, I know that while it could be no big deal, it could also be kind of serious. So if you have any suggestions on who I should go see, or better yet who would actually be able to get me in, please let me know. Because the spells aren't getting any better, and I think it may be time to find out if there's more to the story.

In the meantime, I shall lay down, and wait for the world to get back to it's normal non-moving (at least from our perspective) self.

And please pray for me.

I think I'm ready for Spring

It's official...I'm really tired of the illnesses that winter has been plaguing us with. I think it's because the kids (both my students and my actual children) have been crammed indoors with each other for too long. My students are going crazy...in some case literally, but generally just figuratively. I have given out more 2's and 3's in the past two weeks than I have all year long (I give points in my classroom to track how well the class behaved, followed directions, etc...5 is the most, 1 is the least. They are expected to get 5's, maybe a 4 every once in a while). And some of the classes I've been giving them to are traditionally my "good" classes...the ones I don't have to simplify the lessons for or nix certain activities all together.

But back to the illnesses. I've had some students out for over two weeks. And sometimes it's major illnesses (appendectomy, tonsillectomy, cancer even for one student), but it's generally just this cough/fever thing that my kids have had. It just won't go away! And it's draining, both physically and mentally, and everyone seems to be feeling it. There has been a negative vibe in the building for a couple of weeks now, which has everybody into everyone else's business, telling each other what they should be doing differently. Plank in the eye, people.

And my poor kids, especially Andrew, are just so tired. They just have so little energy. Kadee Joy has been in rarer form than usual, calling one of my dear friends a "loser" yesterday, which naturally sent her straight to bed. She's been testing the boundaries again, reminding me of her entire time as a two year old. She still has yet to understand that it really will be better for her if she owns up to what she has done, rather than lie about it and then get in trouble for both the original act and the lie...Of course, some adults still don't get that either. :)

But on a good note, Chris and I have really been enjoying our time together. We seem to have gotten over a small hill of negativity in our own home, and are into the more encouraging and growing portion of it.

So I know that there is sunshine ahead, warm winds, and comforting calm. Drudging through the cold muck for right now is tiresome, but will thankfully not last forever.

I took up a leadership role at church on Sunday, and have been quite occupied with that. But it has certainly forced me to seek God's guidance and strength, as it is a position that uses strengths but also tugs at many weaknesses that I have. I know that I can't do it on my own, nor would I want to. It's too easily riddled with conflict for me to even attempt to take it on my own. I'm very glad that God is using it do grow me, though. I think I was thinking a little too highly of myself for a while. :)

I'm writing this at school during a short break. I've been purposefully putting each of the grades and objective and learning goals up on the while, along with their corresponding standard. I will say that we were told to do this by administration, but sometimes I slide by since I don't have the "traditional" class setup. But on this one, I took hold of it, and found it to be empowering after looking more closely at the standards and realizing that I really just needed to focus on the few that were for that grade level and teach those in more depth, rather than skimming the service of a dozen other tangents.

And with that, I should go and rewrite them for next week. I'm looking forward to a weekend of rest.